the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“Bill, I can’t talk right now. I’ll come by later.”
“Okay.” Bill walks away.
You drag the body to the basement door.
Seriously? You’re going to try and do this yourself? Really?
Okay.
You break your neck trying to drag Officer Bozo down the stairs.
Happy?
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“Is the Crazy Lady okay?” you ask.
“She’s up now, but she’s groggy,” Bubs drawls.
“Can I speak with her please?”
“Well, it goes against all rules and regulations and common sense, but seeing as I am dressed like a clown, okay.”
Bubs guides you to the holding cell. Crazy Lady has numerous bullet welts on her forehead, but other than that, looks quite classy.
“Bubs, can we have some privacy, please?” you ask.
“Of course. How rude of me.” Bubs walks off.
Crazy Lady looks at you uneasily. You flinch under her gaze.
“Crazy Lady, what –“
Crazy Lady gives you a look both groggy and perturbed. “My name is Simone.”
“Simone– I was there, I was outside when you were screaming and firing a gun. What happened?”
“I-I—I don’t really remember. I was on a date with William… Sherwin… First date… He’s an actor. He was on Mr. Belvedere as a child. He has also done stage work, as well as some extra work on the movie–“
“Yes, yes, I am aware of his work. He’s my neighbor. What happened?”
“I don’t remember. I just remember smelling the sea. And being afraid of it.”
Bubs walks up to you. “C’mon, Mr. Fancypants. I’ll drive you home. Say goodbye to the crazy lady.”
As the squad car drops you off, the sun peeks up on the horizon.
You wave at your neighbor Bill, out in his front yard, picking up his morning paper.
“‘Morning!” Bill says. He returns your wave, oblivious to the fact that his bathrobe slips open.
“‘Morning.”
You reach for your front door and realize it is standing a few inches open. As you warily enter your house, you notice a large pair of clown shoes sticking straight up in the air.
It is another clown cop, but this one is dead!
You hear Bill’s voice over your shoulder. “Say, how about that crazy night, huh?”
Do you…
1) Ask Bill for help
2) Call the police
3) Hide the body in the basement
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
Gunshots! Screaming!
You quickly save the draft of your squirrel saliva diatribe, and slide out of your den and into your fuzzy bunny slippers, muscles tensed like an industrial-grade spring.
You cautiously open your front door and slip into the dark night.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Muzzle flashes briefly illuminate the surroundings. A ravishing woman stands less than twenty feet from you, mouth agape. After the last muzzle flash, everything goes dark.
“Are you alright?” Another voice, closer to you! You can dimly make out a figure. It is your neighbor, Bill Sherwin, in a loosely-fitting bathrobe that leaves nothing to the imagination.
The woman screams, “NOOOOOOOOOO!”
BANG!
You gasp. You feel your shirt wetten and look down. A gunshot wound pumps out blood onto your lawn. You drop to the ground.
As what consciousness you have left sputters into nothingness, a police car pulls up, and a sinister-looking clown gets out.
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
You quickly make your way to the basement door.
As you trot down the stairs, you realize that months and months of blogging have strengthened your mind but have weakened your knees.
Your feet slip out from under you and you fall forward.
Your neck snaps as it hits the bottom of the stairs.
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
Realizing that bullets are ineffective after Bubs’ failed attempt to subdue Bill, you instead snatch your laptop from your backpack.
“Dessssssssstroy you!” Bill hisses.
He poises to lunge at you.
You shout, “You can consider your comments….DELETED!”
You whip the laptop at Bill, knocking him off balance. He slips back over the edge, into the churning waters below. “AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!”
You rush up to Crazy Lady.
“Crazy Lady! Crazy Lady! Simone!”
Simone’s eyes flutter open.
“Arny?” she mutters.
“Yes.” You smile at her.
“This is a probably a bad time to ask,” you say, “but after this mess is all cleaned up, would you maybe want to go out on a date?”
Simone wearily says, “Ah, that’s sweet. Just so you know, I only date actors.”
“Oh. Well I’m somewhat of a celebrity. I have a very popular blog.”
“What’s a blog?”
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. But this is the best you’re going to get.
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“Heh, heh, heh,” Bubs chuckles. “Turn around.”
Bubs handcuffs you and drags you to his waiting squad car. He leans you against the car as he picks up Crazy Lady and drops her in the front passenger seat.
As he opens the rear door, a medium-sized alligator on a leash pokes its head up.
“That’s the Captain’s alligator, Enos. Unofficial mascot of the policeman’s carnival. You ride with him, Mr. Fancypants Blogger.”
He pushes you in and shuts the door.
Bubs slides into the driver’s seat, starts up the car and hauls ass.
“He’s a little hungry. I’d give you something to feed him, but you had to do it the hard way. Don’t worry, we don’t have far to go, anyways.”
You look at Enos. Enos looks at you. His jaws open, close on your head and twist it off like the cap to a cheap bottle of wine.
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“No, I have never met her,” you insist. “Tonight was the first time I saw her.”
Bubs tsks. He sits for a spell.
“Okay,” Bubs says, “you can go.”
“Can I get a ride home?” you ask. “I don’t have a car.”
“Alright, Mr. Fancypants Blogger.”
The squad car drops you off at your house. It is still in the wee hours of the morning.
You reach for the knob of your front door. It’s open! You peek inside. In the dim light you make out enormous shoes sticking straight up on the floor.
Another clown cop! Dead!
Suddenly a tentacle wraps around your neck. You feel a painful sting, and immediately begin to feel the inception of paralysis overtake you.
“Not like this,” you whisper. “Not….like….”
THE END
There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“No, I really am okay. I have a tight deadline. I still don’t know if my squirrel saliva post successfully made it to my blog. Can’t we just do this in the morning?”
Bubs’ impossibly wide clown grin gets even wider.
“We can do this the nice way, or we can do this the not-so-nice way. It’s your choice.”
Do you…
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
You see a bag of nuts, half-opened, partially covered by your svelte blogger thigh.
You daintily pull out a single nut, putting the bag containing the remaining nuts into your pants pocket. Enos looks at you with reptilian calm. He slowly opens his large, tooth-filled mouth.
You quickly toss the nut into his gaping maw as it snaps shut. CRACK!
Enos blinks a few times, then begins wheezing. He starts clawing at the upholstery.
Bubs turns his head around, “What the hell is going on back there?”
Enos’ clawing gets more violent. He rips your argyle sweater to shreds as he tries to scale the inside of the squad car.
“ACK! ACK! ACK!”
Enos falls back into your lap, looking up into your eyes with a puzzled expression. The wheezing gradually trails away as he dies.
Bubs cries, “Aw, man, the cap’n is gonna be so pissed!”
The car reaches the station. Bubs quickly gets out, and yanks open your door. “Help me carry him.”
The two of you carry Enos to a nearby drainage ditch and drop him into some shallow, brackish water. Bubs pauses for a moment. “Semper Fi,” he whispers. “Let’s go,” he says to you.
Minutes later, at the police station…
Crazy Lady is still unconscious, now in a holding cell.
Bubs sits at a desk, his clown eyes closely watching yours.
“So, what’s the deal with Crazy Lady? She with you?”
Do you say…
the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
“Let’s go!” Bubs shouts.
“Time for some mobile blogging!” you yell.
Bubs guns the squad car down the street.
“Take Maple Street!” you shout to Bubs.
“Why?” asks Bubs. “That’s out of the way!”
“They have good Wi-Fi there!” You open your laptop.
“The squirrel spit post made it!” you exclaim. “Now for a quick post to whet my readers’ appetites.”
Bubs yells, “You better hurry! We’re almost out of road!”
You strain your mind for an appropriate topic. Ah-ha!
You direct your browser to take an online quiz — ‘What Kind Of Action Hero Are You?’ You fill out three fields, hit Submit. An image slowly loads, indicating…
‘YOU ARE JAMES BOND’
You smile to yourself. A quick copy-paste-submit and the rest of the world knows you are James Bond, too.
Bubs slows down the squad car. The last bits of daylight recede into the horizon as you pull up to the water treatment plant.
“What now, Arny?”, Bubs asks.
You close the laptop, a stone cold gaze on your face.
Do you…