Tim was kind enough to answer five of my questions, but unexpectedly slapped me back with five of his own.

Okay, I’ll answer, still smarting from the tagback.

1. What is a long time?

I don’t know. Two or three, I guess. The unit of measurement is relative to your circumstances.

2. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

None, for me at least. I chomp right down to the gooey, pseudochocolate center.

3. Who am I?

You are a sentence phrased in the form of a question, to which I am the answer.

4. Is there a God? Yes or no or…?

I’ll do the same thing for this question that I did when a girl gave me a note in 5th grade asking me, “Do you like me, Yes or No? Circle one!” I circled the “or”.

Sheesh, that sounds dickish, but I wasn’t trying to be. Sorry, potentially-existing God!

5. What is calculus?

It’s the stuff that you get on your teeth when you don’t brush well. Apparently, there are some scientific and mathematical enterprises dependent on this stuff, which boggles the mind.