Monthly Archives: September 2007

goddammit

McDonald’s And Home Invasion

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I think we are done with McDonald’s. We are most likely done with MSNBC as well.

We were on our way back from getting two out of three kids’ haircuts at the Oak Brook Mall.

We decided to stop off at McDonald’s for lunch. Now I know there are plenty of valid criticisms one can level at McDonald’s.

A friend of MizSplotchy’s loaned the book Fast Food Nation to us, and I read a bit. But then I put it down. I haven’t seen Supersize Me, the Morgan Spurlock film about how just one month of McDonald’s food had a severe impact on his health. I really have nothing to defend this avoidance I seem to have, but say I was willfully ignorant. We don’t eat it that often, but we do eat it occasionally.

Anyways, if you don’t know, McDonald’s headquarters is actually in Oak Brook, Illinois. The McDonald’s we were eating at was a more upscale restaurant (as upscale as a McDonald’s can be, I guess). You could tell that they took greater care in presenting a nice environment, because it was literally right in front of their corporate offices.

So, we get our food and sit down. There are plasma TV screens everywhere. There is one on the wall behind MizSplotchy, that my youngest son and I are directly facing. There’s a huge circular bank of televisions in the middle of the restaurant that MizSplotchy and my other two kids have a perfect view of.

It’s 12:00pm on a Saturday. The place is filled with nametagged people from some convention, and assorted families. A fair amount of young kids. Most of the televisions were tuned to the Disney Channel, which isn’t a surprise. The televisions that weren’t showing Disney were showing MSNBC.

Here’s where it gets really troubling for me. My wife noticed what they were showing on MSNBC. The sound was off, but one could see black and white security footage of what appeared to be a home invasion. Some people come in and knock a women down to the floor, by hitting her in the head with a gun. Someone shoots a gun into a person laying on the floor.

Okay, that’s just awful. It’s awful one time. But they don’t stop there. They show it again. And again. They zoom in so you can get a better look as the gun makes contact with the woman’s head.

The TV that my youngest son is directly in front of is tuned to this channel. I see my other two kids’ eyes hit upon the screens above them also tuned to MSNBC. My wife and I start getting really upset, really quickly.

She attempts to go up to tell the employees what is happening, but no one is concerned. There are customers that need food. The manager ignores her. She follows someone else and tries to get them to listen to her. She comes back and I get up. Probably about five or six minutes transpired in the time it took for us to realize what they were showing to us walking out the door. And in that time, I kid you not, this video was played at least seven or eight times. My wife and the kids headed out, as an employee was walking over with a remote control. She said she couldn’t change the channel and could only turn it off. I said, well, turn it off! I tried asking her, “Don’t you see? Don’t you see how this is not appropriate?” Then I left.

So here are my thoughts:

1. FUCK YOU, MSNBC
So, if it was September 11th, and we were seeing buildings topple and people screaming, etc., that’s one thing. I would be concerned with my kids seeing the disturbing images, etc., but it’s a world event, it’s news that needs to be told. But I tried looking up what they were showing. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know how it was relevant to anything. What were they doing replaying this video? Why were they doing it? Maybe it was worthwhile, but seeing it with the sound off and the images of brutal violence being done struck me as sensationalist garbage. On a Saturday afternoon. FUCK YOU, MSNBC.

2. FUCK YOU, MCDONALD’S EMPLOYEES
Fuck you for making me feel like an asshole for saying televised brutal violence is not appropriate on a Saturday afternoon with a room full of kids. Fuck you for not listening. Fuck you for not caring.

3. FUCK YOU, MCDONALD’S.
The employees could have reacted better, but they are running on the hamster wheel that you have built. I have no doubt that these employees have feelings, opinions and humanity, but they have to supply the almighty burger during their time with you. Anything else is grounds for termination. FUCK YOU, MCDONALD’S. And FUCK YOU for all the other reasons that so many people have documented, but I have been too chickenshit to see.

4. FUCK ME.
Fuck me for supporting this system. I’ll try to do better. I’ll try.

blogging about blogging

Vanity Plates of the 21st Century

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Shortly out of film school, I was working as an electrician on a movie that was being shot in my hometown of Springfield, Illinois. Most of the crew was from Los Angeles. I struck up a friendship with one of the electricians from L.A.

I don’t believe he had ever spent a great deal of time in the Midwest. One of his observations was the abundance of vanity plates.

The first license plate I had was a vanity plate. No, it wasn’t my name, nor was it “Splotchy” or any derivation thereof. It was a common word that I just happened to be fond of at the time. Guess what the word was if you care to (hint: it foreshadowed my career in computer programming).

Currently I read a variety of people’s blogs, and a variety of people read mine. To the best of my knowledge, the blogs I read are in the Midwest, with a few on the east coast.

Blogs seem to have a tendency to clump together, aligning themselves along lines of similar interests, political beliefs, etc. I imagine geographic region also plays a part in this interblog stickiness as well. Still, I find it curious that that in the months I have been relatively active in the blogosphere, to my knowledge I haven’t come across any west coast bloggers.

Is there a connection between the perceived prevalence of Midwestern vanity plates to a visiting Californian, and my perception of the overwhelming number of blogs in the Midwest region?

Vanity plates are essentially a very tiny expression of one’s identity, set adrift in the “autosphere” of anonymous license plates. Blogs to me in some ways seem to be a very elaborate vanity plate.

So how many of you bloggers have vanity plates on your automobile?

gmmp

Rest Easy, Little Monkey

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The little green monkey what lives in my brain is all tuckered out from the five volumes of the Green Monkey Music Project.

He’s going to take a little nap. Sleep tight, little monkey.

I’ll see you for Volume 6 in a week or two.

blogging about blogging

This Is Probably The Only Post Where I Will Use Strikethrough

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I have witnessed a phenomenon on websites, predominantly blogs, where the writer will employ the use of strikethrough.

I am wheezily infuriatedpuzzled by its use.

When I was going through school, we were nearing the end of the dominance of Satan’s pianotypewriters. It was never acceptable to do a strikethrough on a paper you intended to hand in. You needed the magic of Wite-Out.

I later had a temp job where I had to use a pain-in-the-ass piece-o’-shittypewriter to fill out some forms that had triplicate copies in lovely colors, separated by carbon paper. There too, it was not acceptable to use strikethrough. I actually would use correction fluid — I had a color for each copy of the form.

So, why are people using strikethrough? Do they feel you, as their loyal and faithful reader, should wade through their sloppy prose? Where do they get their ballsnads (sorry, CP!), anyway?

Are they trying to be annoyingfunny?

SAY NO TO STRIKETHROUGH.

gmmp

Presenting The No Speak English Mix!

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Volume 5 of the Green Monkey Music Project has been completed, and is available for download!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I’ll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).

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NO SPEAK ENGLISH
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Rules And Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
Chris!
Manx!
Splotchy!
PJ!
SamuraiFrog!

The Songs:

Get the mix in chunks!

Zipfile of Songs 01 – 08 (All of Chris’ songs)
Zipfile of Songs 09 – 16 (All of Splotchy’s songs)
Zipfile of Songs 17 – 24 (All of Manx’s songs)
Zipfile of Songs 25 – 31 (All of PJ’s songs)
Zipfile of Songs 32 – 38 (All of SamuraiFrog’s songs)

No thanks, I’ll just pick at the songs!

01 – Buckwheat Zydeco – Drivin’ Old Grey [chris]
02 – Ibrahim Ferrer – Boliviana [chris]
03 – Fred Buscaglione – Porfirio Villarosa [chris]
04 – St. Moses Choir of South Africa – Halefa Tshele Wetswe [chris]
05 – Los Fabulosos Cadillacs – Vasos Vacios [chris]
06 – They Might Be Giants – Greek #3 [chris]
07 – Paolo Conte – Genova Per Noi [chris]
08 – Edith Piaf – Hymne a l’amour [chris]
09 – Lassie Singers – Hamburg [splotchy]
10 – Gilberto Gil – Sai Do Sereno [splotchy]
11 – Pugh Rogefeldt – Små Lätta Moln [splotchy]
12 – Michel Polnareff – Le Desert N’est Plus En Afrique [splotchy]
13 – Faust – Psalter [splotchy]
14 – Boubacar Traoré – Samba [splotchy]
15 – Tom Zé – Ui! (Voce Inventa) [splotchy]
16 – Ohio Express – Yummy Yummy Yummy (Italian) [splotchy]
17 – DJ Krush – Le Temps (with DJ Cam) [manx]
18 – Happy End – Natsu Nandesu [manx]
19 – Seu Jorge – Rebel Rebel [manx]
20 – Mouse On Mars – Lasergum [manx]
21 – Bonga – Mona Ki Ngi Xiça [manx]
22 – Trey Parker & Matt Stone – Let’s Fighting Love [manx]
23 – Caetano Veloso – Terra [manx]
24 – Aphex Twin – Windowlicker [manx]
25 – Shakira – Ojos Así [pj]
26 – Shakira Feat. Alejandro Sanz – La Tortura [pj]
27 – Amr Diab – Habibe – Ya Nour El Ain [pj]
28 – La Bomba by Ricky Martin [pj]
29 – Tarkan – Simarik [pj]
30 – Les Nubians – Makeda [pj]
31 – Umoja – Unomathemba [pj]
32 – Pizzicato Five – Sweet Soul Revue [samuraifrog]
33 – Ludivine Sagnier – Papa t’es plus dans l’coup [samuraifrog]
34 – Seu Jorge – O Astronaute De Marmore (Starman) [samuraifrog]
35 – Jacques Brel – Amsterdam [samuraifrog]
36 – Milla – In a Glade [samuraifrog]
37 – Petula Clark – Downtown (German) [samuraifrog]
38 – Ruben Blades – Buscando Guayaba [samuraifrog]

gmmp

Splotchy’s Contribution To No Speak English

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Here’s a discussion of my selections for No Speak English, Volume 5 of the Green Monkey Music Project.

Lassie Singers – Hamburg [German]
Back before the kiddies, when I had cash burning a hole in my pocket, I’d periodically check eBay for obscure Feelies or Luna releases. I would also search for out-of-print books by Italian author Italo Svevo. One of my searches for this author brought back a CD compilation of German artists, Sturm Und Twang! – A Private Collection Of German Underground Pop (one of the artists on the disc went by the name of Svevo). No one had bid on it, and it sounded interesting. I had a variety of German artists in my music library — Faust, Kraftwerk, etc., but hadn’t heard any of these bands. So I placed my $5.00 bid, and soon after I had the CD in my sweaty hands. This song by the Lassie Singers is my favorite of the bunch. I do believe at least one English word is sung in this song, and it’s a dirty one!

Gilberto Gil – Sai Do Sereno [Portuguese]
From the wonderful album Expresso 2222. I love the melody, love the drumming, the guitar. It’s just a really nice song off a really nice album.

Pugh Rogefeldt – Små Lätta Moln [Swedish]
This guy is Swedish. It was by pure luck I stumbled across his music. As you can see from his official website, he’s not necessarily interested in cultivating an English-speaking audience. A lot of his songs are rocking and rolling, but I prefer the softer side of Pugh. You might be a little startled by his use of falsetto in this song, but it works for me. From The Pugh Box, a collection of songs spanning his career.

Michel Polnareff – Le Desert N’est Plus En Afrique [French]
I first heard a song by Mr. Polnareff on Pop Romantique, where Luna covered a song of his (you can hear it for yourself in the Total Absorption mix). This is from the album Polnareff’s. I was going back and forth whether to have a song by Polnareff or Françoise Hardy, but this particular song just felt right. I will include a picture of Ms. Hardy, though.


Sigh.

Faust – Psalter [French?]
This German band often produces skronky, dissonant music. This is one of their gentler songs, and it’s very beautiful. Taken from 71 Minutes Of… These guys sing in German and English, but this song sounds French to me.

Boubacar Traoré – Samba [Bambara]
A wonderful African guitarist and vocalist. Just him and his guitar, but very powerful. From his album Macire.

Tom Zé – Ui! (Voce Inventa) [Portuguese]
I love me some Tom Zé. His stuff is often a little wacky, with interesting instrumentation. This song is a little calmer, and it is just plain wonderful. From Estudando o Samba.

Ohio Express – Yummy Yummy Yummy [Italian]
I had to throw this one on. I went through a pretty severe 60’s bubblegum period, where I had to snap up anything yummy. This song is off some weird CD I got over the Internet, that was apparently put together in Australia. Occasionally artists record foreign language versions of their songs (ABBA, Kraftwerk, etc.) so this is my representative track.

movies, two buck schmuck

Can I Get Any Other Movies In Room 1408?

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Ah, the approach of fall, and crisp, chilly evenings. It’s my favorite time of year. And with fall comes Halloween, and with Halloween, HORROR MOVIES. HORROR! HORROR!!!!

The late 9:00pm schedule is truly crazy this week at the LaGrange. I only had two choices:

1408
Waitress

From what I could ascertain, Waitress does not contain any overt, intentional moments of horror, so that was out. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a good old-fashioned horror movie, and from the look of it, 1408 looked to be a crappy old-fashioned one. Still, old-fashioned.

So, I checked into the John Cusack-laden 1408 (check out the movie poster’s shitty graphic design! Tres magnifique!):

I have now seen movies in all four theaters of the LaGrange! Tonight’s showing was in Theater 3, which is apparently the “musical” theater. Theater 3 is exactly like Theater 4, except for the fact that the artwork that adorns the sides of the theater consists of badly rendered record albums and musical notes, rather than badly-drawn eagles and soldiers.

I got to the theater with some minutes to spare. As I sat there reading a Chicago Reader snagged from the lobby, I realized they were playing Abbey Road, which was quite the unexpected pleasant experience, although “Get Back” was rudely interrupted to make way for a preview of Captivity. From its trailer, it appeared to be another entry in the torture-porn genre that looks improbably shittier than Hostel II.

The director’s name popped out at me during the trailer — Roland Joffé. He’s responsible for movies reportedly liked by some friends of mine — The Mission, The Killing Fields, etc. Looking up the movie’s entry on the IMDB, I see that the film was written by Larry Cohen, who has done a lot of interesting work (It’s Alive, Maniac Cop, Q). I don’t know, maybe I’ll see it, but it looked horrifically bad.

Boy, it’s taking me a while to roll around to talking about 1408, idn’t it?

Okay, I’ll get on with it. First, some positive things. I like that the title of this movie is a number, with no words. Now just because I say this, doesn’t I mean I like the movie title 300. Because I don’t. I don’t like that movie title. Sheesh, I’m fickle.

Second good thing: When Cusack is first in the super-duper-haunted Room 1408 of the Dolphin Hotel, there is some nice suspense when you are waiting for something extraordinary to happen.

Alright, now you know everything good about the movie.

Samuel Jackson phones in a performance as the manager of the Dolphin. I used to be so excited to see him in smaller film parts early in his career. Hell, I remember being really impressed by his performance in the crappy National Lampoon movie Loaded Weapon 1. Could the thrill be gone? Could it?

The film is pretty stinky. 1408 is essentially that one scene in The Shining where Jack Nicholson goes to Room 237 to see what the hubbub is all about. The only differences between that scene from The Shining and this movie is that 1408 doesn’t have a hot, wet young naked lady, and it doesn’t have a creepy, wet old naked lady, and it goes on for about an hour and half longer than the Room 237 scene. Did you know both movies were based on the work of Steven King? You did? Oh, I’m sorry, then. I’m wasting your time.

Jerk.

gmmp

GMMP News

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Just a couple updates…

Volume 5 of the Green Monkey Music Project will be published today or tomorrow.

I thought of a kinda cool idea as well.

When someone has participated in three of the GMMP mixes, they will be given the choice of being a guest mixologist on a future mix. They will determine the theme of the mix, number of participant slots available, etc.

After the completion of their guest mix, the participant will be entitled to a GMMP Master Badge.