Monthly Archives: November 2007

diablo, dungeons and dragons, rpg, world of warcraft

An Ongoing Investigative Series: World Of Warcraft, With Sprinklings Of Diablo

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Hi.

I have mentioned before that I have dabbled in the arcane arts of role-playing adventure, particularly those which are computer-based.

One of my favorites was The Pool Of Radiance, which I played on the good ol’ Commodore 64.

A few years ago, I got pretty unpleasantly addicted to Diablo II, an initially enjoyable game which eventually devolved into an unpleasant grind of killing monsters in hopes of getting some decent treasure.

Blizzard Entertainment, the company that produced Diablo I and II, has in recent years produced an even more popular game called World Of Warcraft, which is the equivalent of Diablo I and II on crystal meth and crack combined.

Both my brother and myself were at one time both addicted to Diablo II. We were both able to kick the habit. I should probably mention that we were casual addicts rather than hardcore, sit-in-one’s-filth addicts. You can take this statement however you want — I’d be suspicious of the same kind of comment coming out of an alcoholic’s mouth.

My brother recently informed me that he has started playing the World of Warcraft game.

I asked him if I could periodically provide updates to his character’s progress, impressions of the game, etc., to which he consented.

In this series I’ll recount some of his experiences, and mix these with some of my own observations about my Diablo II experience.

To keep your interest, I’ll periodically include the odd picture of a hot, busty elf.

a peek into the exciting life of splotchy

A Mixture of Bad And Good

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Bad: Part of my job entails carrying a phone that receives pages from the web application I support. What’s worse than a person calling you with an urgent Production problem? A machine calling you with an urgent Production problem.

Good: Sometimes my job involves some intricate problem-solving, even creativity (though nothing as wondrous as a Rube Goldberg contraption).

Bad: The “machine” paged me in the wee hours of last night. The last time it paged me, I decided to just get up and come into work.

Good: It was dark as I walked to the train. Now that I don’t live in the middle of Chicago, some stars are visible in the sky (of course, nothing like the stars you’d see in a more rural area — I’m not *that* far from Chicago, after all). I haven’t spent a lot of time looking at stars since we moved out here. After the kids are put to bed my wife and I are usually pretty exhausted, and it’s not a pastime that generally occurs to us. But this morning I saw the comfortingly anthropomorphic constellation Orion in the southwest. To my southeast (I think) I saw Venus.

Bad: The dead eyes of early morning commuters. And I’m sure my eyes were deader than most.

Good: I’m taking a trip soon, so soon, so soon.

holidays

November Is Splotchy Gets To Make Up Holidays Month

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Yes, it’s that time again!

Of course, since I did not have a blog in November of 2006, you couldn’t possibly be aware that we have finally arrived at the month where I get to make up holidays for every Friday.

Now you know! And now, I present to you my holidays for the month of November.

November 2nd – Okey-Dokey Day
Since my first holiday is occurring tomorrow, I decided to come up with a day that would not require any special equipment or preparation.

This holiday can be celebrated by wrapping up every conversation you have with the words “Okey-dokey”. “Okily-dokily” is an acceptable alternative, but “Y’okay” is not.

November 9th – Mismatched Shoe Day
Just what it says. Your shoes should not match. If you want to be stealthy, and you have a couple pairs of black shoes available to you, you can mismatch those (I’ll probably be opting for a brown shoe/black shoe combo).

Please provide a picture of your mismatched shoes (preferably while you are wearing them) and post on your own blog to honor this solemn holiday.

Novermber 16th – Burgess Meredith Remembrance Day
Say something nice about the man. It’s his 100th birthday.

November 23rd – Purchase Preprocessed Turkey Products Day
Ah, the day after Thanksgiving, or as many people are fond of calling it, Black Friday. The origin and meaning of the term are debatable, but for many “Black Friday” hooks into negative feelings towards crowds, shopping and the commercialization of Christmas. Instead of refraining from shopping as a protest, I recommend that celebrants of this holiday visit their local supermarket and purchase turkey products — turkey pot pie, turkey dinners, prepackaged turkey lunchmeats (for our vegetarian friends, Tofurkey). Why? I don’t know, it just seems like a funny thing to do.

November 30th – Whatever Splotchy Says Day
Await my instructions on the 30th.

blogging about blogging

Word Verification Text And What It Will Trigger In Me

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There are many annoying bloggers (yes, I am talking about you) who have “Word Verification” turned on for readers who wish to leave comments. It’s basically some wavy text that the typist has to read and then must type in addition to leaving their comment, perhaps to prove they aren’t just creating text by accidentally sitting on the keyboard while expelling gas.

Oh, sure, we try to make light of this allegedly positive feature that takes several seconds of our lives as we try to communicate our comments to you. For example, sometimes in the comment itself we leave:

“My Word Verification was ‘yodelqr’!”

Make no mistake, this cheeriness is superficial — we are not happy.

Many weeks ago, I made the decision to do away with Word Verification on my own blog, in solidarity with Coaster Punchman.

Still, you Word Verification wackos haven’t gotten the message. In addition to this, I have recently noticed that the amount of Word Verification letters I am required to enter on some of your posts is reaching the double-digits.

So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to add the possible threat of physical violence to the equation.

By continuing to have-

1. Word Verification turned on
2. A post I feel compelled to comment on

-you will be held accountable for your actions.

On the off chance I get one of the series of letters below as my Word Verification text, you will be consenting to the consequences outlined.

Word Verification I Get – What You Get

Yahweh – Kick in the groin
Snurp – Punch in the mouth
Oopah – Scalded with flaming cheese
Yapple – A bag of oranges to the stomach
Whammy – You have to watch gameshows until your eyes bleed
Pumnotl – A stern look
Uuuuuuh – A boxing of the ears
Fluffy – Nothing [I wouldn’t mind this word]
Ruqponbop – Pubic hair pulling
Kickme – See Yahweh

iSplotchy, politics

Bringing Civility To The Democratic Process

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Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.

Hello, citizens, consumers and everyone else!

Steve Jobs here!

As you are well aware, normally I use this forum as a way to reach out to you, the iSplotchy owner, whether it involves the unveiling of exciting new features or giving you the chance of a lifetime to be the proud owner of a piece of Internet history.

I realize the importance of these posts, as the iSplotchy is unanimously loved and cherished by all sentient beings (indeed, what is there not to love?). So, imagine my surprise when the Department Of Defense Against Primates (DODAP) forwarded me this libelous piece of piffle:

iSplotchy attacked by a damned, dirty ape

Who is this “Doctor” Zaius? First of all, in what country can an orangutan with mange be accredited a license to practice medicine? Finland?

“Doctor” Zaius attacks the iSplotchy, accusing it of capitalistic tendencies. Yes, you can buy the prototype. The prototype is not the iSplotchy, my good people, no more than the action figure of Zaius represents himself.

Yes, Zaius has an action figure. And if rumors prove to be true, it is a genital-less action figure.

DODAP has also forwarded me another disturbing development, coincidentally also concerning an alleged simian “doctor”.

“Doctor” Von Monkerstein picks yet another running mate to prop up his failing campaign

I was somewhat disheartened by the news regarding this poor excuse for a snake-oil salesman (technically, a Crunky salesman).

“Doctor” Von Monkerstein has sunk his feces-encrusted paws into none other than G. Kristi Love.

Why, do you ask, does this disturb me? For one, G. Kristi Love was one of the early adopters of the iSplotchy (just check out her comment on this post, before it is hastily deleted by the Von Monkerstein campaign).

The past of G. Kristi Love is already being dropped down the memory hole. Witness her in happier times, the iSplotchy by her side.

Sadly, if you visit the site of “Doctor” Von Monkerstein, you’ll see the iSplotchy has been erased from this picture, in the same way meaning and purpose have been erased from Love’s life.

But, I am not using this forum to criticize the iSplotchy’s opponents, despite the fact that they have questionable credentials and intentions. No, the iSplotchy campaign is above such mudslinging.

I am here to request an open exchange of ideas. A place where citizens of this great nation, nay, of this planet, can have a public forum to see the iSplotchy in all its glory, and see these “Doctors” for the charlatans they are.

I call for a debate.