Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.

Hello, people with money!

Steve Jobs here!

I would like to take a few seconds of your time. For those not aware, the prototype for the iSplotchy has found its way onto a website that lets everyday schlubs such as yourself get a chance at seizing a piece of Internet History.

As everyone knows, you are what you own. If you own the iSplotchy protoype, think of the fame and fortune that will be yours, in addition to the waves of ecstatic happiness that will shoot through every fibre of your being *.

You! Sitting in your underwear, your fingers yellowed from compulsive Cheeto-eating! Wouldn’t you feel better with a piece of Internet History sitting beside you, upon which you could occasionally wipe your disgusting fingers on?

This window of opportunity is closing fast for you common folk.

Get your iSplotchy prototype today.

* Fame and fortune are not guaranteed. Feeling of well-being not recognized in the following states: MI, KY, AL, CA, MD