Monthly Archives: January 2008

hooray for hollywood, teevee, writers' strike

The Writers’ Strike Is Killing Infotainment

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…And I for one would like to thank the writers.

I caught some of the Golden Globes awards “show” last night on NBC. It puts the superfluousness of these awards in perspective when all the winners are announced in a spartan broadcast anchored by Access Hollywood fluffsters Nancy O’Dell and Billy Bush. Apparently, there was a press conference by the Hollywood Foreign Press carried live on other networks that was broadcast in advance of NBC’s show. I guess I was getting unnecessarily secondhand information from people I would be leery of asking for driving directions.

No glitz, no celebrities, just the occasional asinine comment from Billy Bush (“Entourage is a boutique show”?). By the way, I am considering using “Billy Bush!” as an interjection. And yes, according to his Wikipedia entry, he is related to Dubya. I feel like I have to tie this post into politics in some manner for all you Bush/Cheney scenesters that read this blog.

I think the only thing the 65th Golden Globes Reading-The-Winners ceremony was missing was the occasional cutaway of a leering Jack Nicholson in dark shades. I’d like to imagine he was at his kitchen table grinning widely at his TV. Oh, Jack, you devil!

arcade games, quiz answers

Arcade Answers (Mano a Mano)

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Answers for the fifth quiz!

Do yourself a favor and don’t look at the answers before you sample the questions.

Mano a Mano 1 – Popeye


I wasn’t the best at this game, but it was still pretty darned fun. You could eat your spinach and punch the crap out of Bluto, but more satisfying to me was to punch a barrel that would fall on the peabrain’s head.

Mano a Mano 2 – Punch-Out!!


One of my all-time favorite games. It had some awesome voice samples and nice gameplay. The second guy, Piston Hurricane, would often kick my ass. Still, a great game.

Mano a Mano 3 – Double Dragon

One of the few games I can say I mastered. And it was all due to this elbow move.


You could pick up the occasional whip or baseball bat to pummel people with, but the elbow was always the sure bet.

Like many games of its type, the purpose of your hunky protagonist was to rescue a ravishing damsel in distress. The opening to this game was a little disturbing, in that not only did the bad guys steal your girl, they first punched her in the gut.

Not nice, bad guys of Double Dragon! Not nice!

Mano a Mano 4 – Bad Dudes Vs. Dragon Ninja


This game is very similar to Double Dragon. It was probably trying to capitalize on the success of the earlier videogame. I don’t think it came close to matching Double Dragon’s popularity — probably because it was missing the elbow move and the gut punch to an attractive lady. The game at the Spaceport arcade where I played this would occasionally freeze. I would then go tell the attendant about the problem in order to get reimbursed. He would ask what game had the problem, and I, a reasonably grown man, would have to respond, “Bad dudes.”

Mano a Mano 5 – Mortal Kombat


Ah, the first in a long line of fighting games that I have no hope to master. You can do a large variety attacks with combinations of joystick moves and five(!) buttons. I prefer Sub-Zero, ’cause that’s how I roll.

Mano a Mano 6 – Karate Champ – Player Vs Player


Another game I sucked at that I still liked to play on occasion. The controls were unusual — two joysticks and no buttons. You could do different karate moves depending on the directions you pulled the joystick. Some nice sound effects, especially the referee saying “full point” or “half point”. I never could figure out how to avoid getting stomped by the bull in the bonus round. Stupid bull.

iSplotchy, politics

On The 2008 Campaign Trail

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During the first trip in what will probably be a series of trips to Colorado in preparation for the February caucus, the candidates take a break at a nearby mall.

Dr. Zaius and Germaine Gregarious sample some delicious, authentic Italian cuisine.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator runs through the remainder of his campaign funds on sophisticated, audiovisual entertainment. Mall employees kindly show him the exit shortly after he spends his last quarter.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein takes advantage of post-Christmas savings to pick up a few items for himself.

Steve Jobs and the iSplotchy visit with fans outside the Apple Store.

The fate of the other presidential candidates is still uncertain at this point in time.

Updates will be provided as more information becomes available.

Special thanks to the campaign photographer of Dr. Zaius, who recorded the majority of events herein.

blogging about blogging

This Is The "Go To" Place For Images Of Lipstick

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From reading my site usage statistics, it appears I have had a lot of random visitors come to this blog in the last couple weeks via a Google image search for lipstick. The ordering of my image will probably change over time, but it currently is third in the search results.

People clicking through the image to my blog are landing on a particular Unconnected Tuesdays post.

The strange thing is that people finding my website in this manner will usually spend a few minutes on the post, perhaps trying to find a connection between my lipstick picture and the prawn.

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome all lipstick visitors and indicate to you that, as far as I know, there is no connection between lipstick and prawns.

Love,

Splotchy

movies

I Have To Admit, Netflix Is Quite Nifty

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I don’t know that I’ll devote a space to regularly recount or review DVDs I have watched from Netflix, but I would like to express my happiness thus far with getting movies in the mail.

So far, I have watched You’re Gonna Miss Me, a great documentary about one of my favorite musical artists, Roky Erickson.

I am watching Season 1 of the BBC Helen Mirren series Prime Suspect. As the first episode on Disc 1 ended, MizSplotchy turned to me and asked me if I thought the case Mirren’s character was working on would probably take the rest of the season to solve, to which I excitedly replied, “I don’t know!” Soon after we finished Disc 1, I moved Disc 2 up to the top of my queue. I was happily surprised to see a young Ralph Fiennes, as well as Tom Wilkinson, who played Mirren’s boyfriend. Having only seen Wilkinson play roles in movies like In The Bedroom and Batman Begins, I was surprised that he was a British actor with one of them British accents. Oh, those cuddly Brits and their adorable accents.

So much goodness is ahead — Jacques Tourneur spooky films, Jean-Pierre Melville film noirs, some documentaries recommended by Chris, some older horror movies, over-the-top Japanese action movies, boy howdy.

Movies is good.

arcade games, sound quiz

Arcade Quiz (Mano a Mano)

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I was asking myself, what have I done for Evil Evil Genius lately? Well, I know what I haven’t done.

Yes, it’s time for another arcade sound quiz!

All of these games share a common theme.

In each game, you control a protagonist that uses his or her bare hands to lay some serious smackdown on some deserving fools (or as Mr. T would say, “foos”).

I’ll give you the year the game came out along with the sound sample. A few of these games have some relatively primitive voice samples, for all you primitive voice sample fans out there.

Mano a Mano 1 (1982)
This game is pretty fun. I think the music should give it away.

Mano a Mano 2 (1984)
I would rarely get past the third level (okay, to be honest, the second level would give me lots of trouble too), but this game was tons of fun.

Mano a Mano 3 (1987)
Believe it or not, though I am the first to admit I am a terrible arcade gamer, I could easily finish this game on one quarter. Yes, I used the magic elbow move that basically made you unstoppable.

Mano a Mano 4 (1988)
This game might be a little obscure. I used to play this at the Spaceport arcade when I was going to school at University of Illinois in Champaign/Urbana. No, I did not have any friends.

Mano a Mano 5 (1992)
I was working in an arcade while I was at school down in Carbondale, but I stayed away from this game. It scared the crap out of me with its complicated controls. I started playing a couple years ago via the MAME emulator. I suck at it, but it’s fun. If you can recognize this game, I give you permission to give me crap for not doing a fatality.

Oh, I just thought of one more that I wanted to include!

Mano a Mano 6 (1984)
I wasn’t very good at this game (surprised?). This game’s controls were a little unusual, and in some ways were a precursor to Mano a Mano Game #5.

UPDATE:

Answers posted!