Monthly Archives: March 2009

meme

The Impossible Truth Behind Snake Plissken’s Eyepatch

6 Comments

Ladies and Gentlemen! Children and Literate Animals!

Today, I draw your attention to a disease not often discussed – COMPULSIVE WINKING SYNDROME (CWS).

CWS afflicts tens of Americans every year. It is a silent killer, or at the very least, a silent annoyance.

Did you know that CWS caused the tragic suicide of Superman George Reeves?

Look it up!

How many times has CWS resulted in a dangerous misunderstanding?

Ask former President George W. Bush!

But now there is help.

Man’s man Snake Plissken suffered just as the tens of you out there have suffered, until his years of sneering, tough comic book dialogue and intense studies resulted in the invention of the Snake Plissken Wink Concealer ™!

The Snake Plissken Wink Concealer ™!

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

P.S. Thanks to Piper for this delightful meme, and to SamuraiFrog for tagging me.

gmmp

Splotchy’s Contribution To The Lenten Mix

4 Comments

Here’s a discussion of my selections for the Lenten Mix, Volume 16 of the Green Monkey Music Project.

Jailbait – Motörhead
Hey baby you’re a sweet young thing,
Still tied to Mommy’s apron strings,
I don’t even dare to ask your age,
It’s enough to know you’re here backstage,
You’re Jailbait, and I just can’t wait,
Jailbait baby come on

Carbona Not Glue – The Ramones
Wondering what I’m doing tonight
I’ve been in the closet and feel all right
Ran out of Carbona
Mom threw out the glue
Ran out of paint and roach spray too

It’s TV’s fault why I am this way
Mom and pop wanna put me away
From the early morning movie
To the late late show
After it’s over nowhere to go

And I’m not sorry for the things I do
My brain is stuck from shooting glue
I’m not sorry for the things I do

She’s Like Heroin To Me – The Gun Club
Don’t let her take her love to town
They will never fill her heart
She needs a passion like her father’s used to be

I know, because I’m like the train shooting down the mainline
I know, because I’m like the Indian wind along the telegraph lines

And she’s like Heroin to me
She’s like Heroin to me
She’s like Heroin to me
She cannot miss a vein

So mainline it!

The Power Of Positive Drinking – Lou Reed
Some people say, alcohol makes you less lucid
And I think that’s true if you’re kind of stupid
I’m not that kind that gets himself burned twice

And some say liquor kills the cells in your head
And for that matter so does getting out of bed
When I exit, I’ll go out gracefully, shot in my hand

The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive drinking
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive
The pow-pow-pow-pow-power of positive drinking

December 1963 (Oh What A Night) – Frankie Valli And The Four Seasons
Oh, what a night
You know, I didn’t even know her name
But I was never gonna be the same
What a lady, what a night

Oh, I, I got a funny feeling when she walked
In the room and I,
As I recall it ended much too soon

Oh, what a night
Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me
She was everything I dreamed she’d be
Sweet surrender, what a night!

Oh, what a night
Why’d it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right
Sweet surrender, what a night!

Uncategorized

ASK A BLOG POST

10 Comments

Leave your questions in the comments.

Beckeye:
Hey, blog post. What’s up?

Not much. After being published I am just sitting here, waiting to field questions. Thanks for starting me out.

Randal G:
Are you by any chance related to lamp post?

I get that sometimes. As far as I have been able to trace my genealogy, there is no relation.

The Imaginary Reviewer:
Which company offers the best long-distance calls service?

Being a blog post, I have not had the occasion to make anything but local calls. I look forward to a post of yours dedicated to comparing the likes of WatsonComeHere ™ and Strudel Cell ©.

Jess Wundrun:
Where am I?

You are taking a staycation at the friendly confines of I, Splotchy.

Chef Cthulhu:
Why is it so hard to flush a grapefruit down the shitter?

I’d say the problem isn’t your grapefuit, it’s your shitter. Time to upgrade.

Bob:
Blog post — if none of us read you, would you still be here?

Splotchy promises to not let me wink out of existence, as long as I am a good little Blog Post.

Flannery Alden:
What do you and the other posts like to talk about when Splotchy logs out?

Mostly smack talk and recipe-swapping.

Comrade Kevin:
If you were a primary color, would you declare war on all the other primary colors?

No, but the tertiary colors would be wise to duck and cover.

Puddy:
Boxers of briefs?

Boxers AND Briefs — BEHOLD!

Barbara
Who would win in a mud wrestling fight, Twitter or Facebook?

Twitter.