I have lots of ideas, and lots of these ideas revolve around getting others involved, getting others to participate.

Something in my makeup compels me to try and get other people to play along with me. I have been lovingly called an “attention whore”, and perhaps that’s correct.

I don’t really talk a lot about anyone but myself here. I guess the main purpose of this and my other blogs is to show how incredibly awesome I am.

So, there’s that, but I really do like doing stuff with other people. I like bringing people together.

It’s sad when I have ideas and they just sort of languish, fizzle.

My Who’s In Charge Here? blog is sputtering out, ever so slowly. I still think it’s a wonderful idea. I wish it could maintain its own steam.

I certainly could take blame for its slow death. I could think of ways for it to be more participatory, or express my appreciation for the people that have been voting week after week. But, I haven’t.

I’m lazy, maybe? I don’t know.

I hate having ideas that I like, and they don’t resonate with anyone, or don’t continue resonating.

Ah well.

I’m not asking you to vote on WICH. It’s not something I want you to do. I want people to want to do it.

Fudge.

My divorce lawyer called me yesterday and asked how things were going.

T__ and I have met with both a child specialist and a financial specialist. The child specialist is tasked with helping us figure out the best arrangement for the kids, maybe give us some advice as to how to help them cope with the divorce, etc. The financial specialist is helping us with our budget, determining who pays who for child support and how much, all that business.

T__ and I are both happy with the two specialists. We’re getting along fine still. The divorce will hopefully continue to go smoothly, and we will hopefully remain friends and be able to raise the kids in a warm and loving environment.

I’m in a pretty good mood these days, actually.

Anyways, after a few minutes, the conversation is coming to a close. The last thing the lawyer says to me before she hangs up is “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY?

Okay…

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

I don’t like writing personal things on this here blog.

I just want that noted.

I just pooped my pants, by the way.

To any people who don’t want to read something personal, please don’t read this. This is very personal.

My life is so crazy right now.

So, I am still married. T__ and I are working on the divorce now. We are sleeping in separate rooms, but are still living together. This has been going on for a while now. We get along fine still.

We are trying collaborative divorce. We each have lawyers, and are meeting with two different specialists next week (one for finances, and one to help us with the transition and custody arrangements for our kids).

I don’t really have any bitterness now about the end of our marriage. That’s not to say that bitterness could well up from time to time, I guess. I mean, there are going to be days when I wake up and my kids won’t be there. That will hurt, and I might get a wave of anger wash over me. But I think I have moved toward accepting the divorce, and the end of the marriage.

It’s sad, of course. I did not get married, did not have kids, with the purpose of having this happen. I’m most sad about the kids. I’m very, very sad.

I feel like there’s hope for them. T__ and I both want what’s best for them. And we want to get along, we want to be a family for the kids. We’re loving parents, and that’s not going to change. Still, man, the kids are going to be hurt. There’s no way around that.

My mother is going to carry anger and hatred toward T__ for the rest of her life. I’m sad about that, too. T__ still loves my mom. She really does. I wish I could make things better, but I can’t.

I have met someone recently. Her name is Lisa. She is a wonderful person. It’s a long-distance relationship, but we recently spent time together in person. I love her. T__ knows about her.

I have gotten to know Lisa over the past few months. I loved her as a person before I ever had any romantic feelings for her. She’s a genuinely wonderful human being.

I can’t control the timing of things. Even though T__ and I are over as a romantic couple, it would been have better for Lisa and I if T__ and I would have been *completely* free and clear. But we’re not yet. We still live together, and we are still married.

What a horrible mess.

T__ is still my friend, and she is the mother of my children. She says she wants me to do whatever will make me happy. She has encouraged me to see other women. And I love Lisa. It bothers Lisa greatly that I’m still married, still living with my wife. Of course it would. She doesn’t want to feel like a mistress. She doesn’t want to be part of my marriage, or my divorce.

She wants me free and clear. How long before T__ and I are living in separate households? How long? I can’t give Lisa an answer.

So many people are being hurt. Lisa is being hurt. My mother is being hurt. Even though this divorce is what T__ wanted, I’m sure she is going through her own pain.

And my kids. My kids don’t know yet. I know they’re the most important thing in all of this. I just want to do right by them. And I’ll do my best.

Still, I’m so sorry about everything.