Oh, hi. It’s a movie review! I haven’t done one of these in a while. In the movie reviews that I do from time to time, but haven’t done in a while, I go to a neighborhood, second-run theater and review something using a fair amount of smark. Oh, I also include details not germane to the movie. That’s a thing I do.
For example, did you know my hairline is very oily right now? Oh my God is it oily! I don’t know why. The weather’s been hot for a few days, after a long spell of colder spring weather. Does the change in temperature make my hairline secrete oil? Possibly! Please remember my oily hairline. It will come back at the end of this review.
ShesAllWrite was very sleepy after a day of gardening and being pregnant, so I flew solo on this movie mission. What were my choices?
It’s a movie directed by Sam Raimi. It’s his first movie since the wonderful Drag Me To Hell. This would be a good bet for me to see. I didn’t see it!
People on the Twitter made jokes about this when it came out. Who gives a shit! (<—- an emphatic statement, not a question). I don’t know anything about this movie.
I didn’t know anything about this, until I went to IMDB to copy the URL to paste above. Oh, it’s that Stephanie Meyer Twilight author other movie thing or something. It has no South Korean monsters or anything that I know of. Boooooooo!
Which leaves me with:
Look at those two people on the movie poster. They’re pretty. But they’re separated! What’s going to happen? Are the laws of romantic movies going to click and lock into place, sending them hurtling towards each other to form a composite face of blissful, Hollywood attractiveness? Yep.
Bradley Cooper’s character Pat has problems at the start. He’s bipolar. He’s getting out of a mental institution. But don’t worry. His mental condition will be fine. He’s cute crazy, not oh-man-I-hope-he-is-okay troubled. And Jennifer Lawrence’s wounded character will heal. And the characters will embrace at the end, and everything is going to be alright.
Is that so wrong? I don’t know. I don’t want it so easy.
I like several of the films that director David O. Russell has made. They are occasionally unpredictable, but you can see the happy ending of the movie in the movie poster, and that fact itself is kind of sad.
After I got out of the movie I went to the bathroom. I looked at my hairline — even oilier. I popped a small pimple, left the theater, ran through the rain, got in my car and drove home, a little more bummed out than I was before.
As I’m writing this, I’m listening to The Bats’ album Daddy’s Highway. ShesAllWrite is watching Party Monster and Dylan McDermott’s in the movie and he’s wearing a goddamned eyepatch. And that makes me happier.
Look at the low-res picture I found on the movie’s IMDB page. I mean, come on, how does that not make someone happy?
