It was only weeks ago — WEEKS AGO — when I was relatively optimistic about the robins nesting on the flood lights in back of my house.

Jesus.

So, we stopped using the back door to our side porch, as to not disturb the birdies.  Soon, we saw a piece of robin eggshell on the ground.  We could see some baby birds popping their heads out of the nest.  How many?  2.  No, 3!  Yeah, 3.  Wait….  4.  There were 4 baby birds.

Mama and Papa Robin were bringing home the worms to the babies.  We were in the backyard a lot, doing some major gardening.  My 10 year old son found a worm when he was digging and dropped it on a part of the yard we weren’t working in, and one of the robins got it, gave it the what-for (i.e. killed it) and brought it home to the babies.

A few days later, the shitting began.  It was all over the steps.  ShesAllWrite sprayed the crap off with a hose, but immediately after that, like magic, more bird crap.

Ahhh, birdcrap.

But that wasn’t the end of the dumbassedness of the birds.

ShesAllWrite and I were sitting in the back and I looked over.  “Hey, is that one of the baby birds?”  A small, young robin was standing on the steps.  It hopped down into some plants, went through the neighbor’s fence into a bush.

Jesus.  Is this supposed to happen?  The bird tried to fly a bit, but it was clear it wasn’t ready.  Had it fallen out of the nest?

It didn’t take long for all the birds to be out of the nest.  ShesAllWrite saw one of the birds actually hop out of the dumb nest.   Another time, she saw Mama Robin hopping around with one of the Baby Robins around the yard.  Well, that’s good.  Mama Robin knows where at least one of her kids is.

At one point we let our dog Ollie out in the backyard to do his business, not realizing one of the baby birds was there.  He went up to the bird and licked it.  He’s a sweetheart.  I have no doubt he would be a great Mama Dog to the robins.

Still, we thought it was best that Ollie didn’t lick any more birds, so now the backyard is an Ollie-free zone, at least until the birds clear out.

I saw a baby robin fly half-assed in the alley behind our house, smacking gently into the wall of a garage wall.  Was it one of ours?  Or another dumbass bird?

I was taking out the trash and saw a baby bird standing in our garden a foot from me.  It just stood there, blinking.   Jesus.

I hope these robins survive.  Jesus.  I hope Mama Robin doesn’t lay eggs again in her dumbass nest.  Jesus.