I repeat, why has no one adopted David Warner yet?
Has the world lost its goddamn mind? Has it lost its soul?
Category Archives: adopt-an-actor
Seventeen And Counting
An update from Splotchy’s Orphanage for Underappreciated Actors ™:
We have encouraging news!
As of this writing, seventeen actors have been placed!
Many thanks to the families who have opened their hearts and their homes.
We have come so far, yet still have a long road to travel.
Here are but a few of our actors that still need to find a loving home.
Vincent Schiavelli (deceased)
Timothy Carey (deceased)
Elias Koteas (Canadian)
This Australian Baby Is No Dingo
Meet Vernon Wells. No, not the baseball player.
Look at those puppy-dog eyes.
Sure, he’s a unstoppable force who wants to take your oil, kidnap your daughter and plug wires into his head,(?) but those are merely cries for help. He needs you.
And he’s Australian. Who doesn’t love Australians?
He can be your child, for the low, low cost of nothing. All you need is love, mate.
Many Kittens Still Looking For Good Home
The first actor adoptions have gone through successfully. Many actors are now settling into their new blogosphere homes.
Still, there are so many more in need. Won’t you please help?
Below is a list of adoptions thus far. Keep in mind that I did not include any person that said in a comment, “Yeah, I’d adopt Actor X.”
Until you make the declaration of an intent to adopt on your own blog, it will not be recognized in the eyes of the law.
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THE ADOPTERS AND THE ADOPTEES
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Our apologies for only now noting the adoption of the delightful Michael Rappaport! A warm congratulations to Michael and his adopter, Ricky Shambles!
FINALLY! HE’S ADOPTED! Congrats to Scott for adopting character actor powerhouse David Warner!
Matty Boy has adopted the the adorable, gifted Amy Ryan!.
SamuraiFrog has unadopted the already once-unadopted Ashley Jensen!.
Pete has adopted the intensely gifted Vincent D’Onofrio!
Linda has adopted the sparkling Bradley Whitford!
Roger Owen Green has adopted the multi-talented Victor Garber!
Scott has adopted the dependably fantastic David Strathairn!
Congrats to SamuraiFrog who has adopted his FIFTH actor, the vivacious David Rappaport!
DGuzman has adopted the scintillating Ali Larter!
Dr MVM has started out Adopt-An-Actor Day right, embracing the exceptional Sarah Polley!
Gizmorox has adopted the eerily intense Cillian Murphy!
Blueberry has adopted the wonderfully eccentric Johnny Depp! If Blueberry could ask her adoptee to answer a question I posed to him back in May of 2007, I would be most grateful!
Open up some canned peaches! Stella has adopted Ian McShane!
Agi has adopted the incomparable Harry Dean Stanton!
DivaJood has adopted the wily Chris Cooper!
Cowboy the Cat has adopted the delightful Ron Perlman!
3vil Genius insists that 1) Shirley Manson is an actor and 2) He is adopting her. I certainly won’t stand in the way of someone so brilliant and evil.
Film festivals adopting actors? Why the heck not? Congrats to the Southern Appalachian International Film Festival and its new adoptee Amitabh Bachchan!
Dr. MVM has adopted the elegant Eva Birthistle!
Matty Boy has adopted the superb Chiwetel Ejiofor!
Was there any doubt that this was destined to happen? SamuraiFrog has adopted William December Williams!
Two more actors have found a home thanks to the kindness of Johann! — the versatile John C. McGinley and the radiant Judy Reyes!
Only one blogger could handle an adoptee that is a robot/spaceship pilot/athletic pirate. Congrats to McGone and his new little bundle of actorly joy, Alan Tudyk!
Make up another bed! DGuzman has adopted the brilliant Alan Rickman!
May the Force be with Freida Bee and her new adoptee, Mark Hamill! (We all know the tragedy that befell his previous caregivers on Tatooine).
Congratulations to the folks at the ultra-mundane, who have adopted the talented (and sadly, recently deceased) Stanley DeSantis!
Here’s some fried gold for you: Bluez has adopted Nick Frost and Simon Pegg!
The lovely Liberality has adopted Keanu Reeves!
Hoist the Jolly Roger for Cap’n Dyke, and her new adoptee Kathy Griffin!
Burgess Meredith Remembrance Day has pushed Beckeye over the edge. Say hello to her new adopted grandfather!
Johnny Yen has adopted the effervescent Lupe Ontiveros!
Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein has used the auspices of his new blog to adopt the talented Adrienne Shelly and Michèle Laroque!
Blowing Sh*t Up With Gas has adopted the actor I had to look up several times in order to spell his name properly — Colm Meaney (according to his Wikipedia entry, his Irish name is Colm Ó Maonaigh — oh sweet merciful spelling Jesus)!
Manx has adopted a second actor, the mischievous rapscallion Bill Pullman!
Henry K. Duff has adopted Hilary Duff (no relation)!
J.D. is no stranger to adoptions — he already has taken four actors under his wing. But, let’s face it, any actor *not* adopted through the auspices of this blog can (and probably will) be challenged in court. But enough veiled legal threats, please welcome his new legally-recognized adoptee, Kelly McDonald!
SamuraiFrog is a softy at heart. He has adopted Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein’s previously discarded adoptee, Ashley Jensen.
Dguzman has stepped up and adopted her second actor, the gifted and enchanting Rachel Weisz!
Say it ain’t so! Dr Monkey Von Monkerstein has unadopted two actors, Ashley Jensen and Cloris Leachman.
Reel Fanatic adopted the formerly crazed preacher from Deadwood, Ray McKinnon!
While he was at the orphanage, he picked up Ellen Page as well!
Bob has adopted the immeasurably charming Richard E. Grant!
After almost two months to the day of announcing an intent to adopt, Slave to the dogs has finally waded through the enormous red tape to bring home the blue-eyed , dashing, mustache-sporting Tom Skerritt!
The Idea Of Progress has adopted the scintillating Zooey Deschanel!
FRANK-ROCK has adopted the seductive and sophisticated Thaao Penghlis!
Matty Boy has adopted a second actor, Christopher Guest! Excepting their disposable drummers, only the bassist and keyboardist of Spinal Tap remain unadopted!
pezda has adopted Wallace Shawn? Inconceivable!
bigshoulders has adopted the backwards-talking nosrednA .J leahciM!
Glückwunsch, Julius Firefly! Er hat Jonathan M. Woodward adoptiert.
Holy frijoles! Is it true? It is?!!! Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein has adopted Shirley Henderson and Ashley Jensen, bringing up his total number of adoptees to four!
Give a tender round of applause to Matty Boy. He has adopted one of the brightest lights in the actorly constellation, Jeffrey Wright.
You said you’d like Hugo Weaving to leave you a message on your answering machine as Elrond of Rivendell? I dunno — you better first ask his new adoptive parent, dguzman.
Flannery Alden has reached out to the sweetness that is Tony Hale.
Doc has quietly adopted the sophisticated Denholm Elliott.
Dr. Zaius has adopted another actor, and this one has got a mouth on her — Mae West!
Jess has brought the living and the dead into her welcoming home. Give a wave and a smile to her new adoptees, Mary Wickes and Paul Reubens!
The big-hearted Johnny Yen has adopted a second actor — B.D. Wong! With the current trend of adoption of abbreviated-name actors, could R. Lee Ermey be next?
SamuraiFrog has totally adopted another actor — P.J. Soles!
I know, it’s sometimes overwhelming how many actors there are out in the cold, uncaring world. But when big-hearted bloggers like Becca announce not only one, but an additional actor adoption, don’t you feel like we’re all going to get through this? Oh, and say hello to her happy new family members — Rutger Hauer and Jason Isaacs!
If you think the only notable thing Boris Karloff did was stagger around the countryside scaring villagers, you’re sorely mistaken. Why not talk to his proud new adoptive parent, Dr. Zaius?
The Urban Recluse has adopted the larger-than-life Brian Thompson.
Coaster Punchman has given the weary spirit of Kim Walker a safe, loving home.
Romius T. assuming he doesn’t get struck down with a bolt of lightning for the questionable actorly vocation of his adoptee, or his intent to marry said adoptee, has adopted Kerry Howley. 
SamuraiFrog has adopted Clancy motherf*cking Brown. 
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein wants to adopt a second actor, Cloris Leachman. Who am I to argue with our next President?
Big Orange has adopted the dreamy-eyed Bill Bixby.
Chris has adopted William Zabka. Take that, Ralph Macchio!
Deadspot has adopted the hard-working Corinne Bohrer.
After all this time, had no one snatched up Bruce Campbell yet? Well, it’s too late now, as Manx has adopted him.
Grant Miller has adopted leggy South African beauty Charlize Theron.
Beckeye has adopted Joe “Joey Pants” Pantoliano.
Kim has adopted the cute, unassuming, unmistakably awesome Jeff Daniels.
Frank Sirmarco has adopted the hairy-yet-undeniably-gifted Dan Hedaya.
Dystopia has adopted the eerie-eyed Udo Kier.
Justacoolcat has adopted the adorable Albert Finney.
Kelsi has adopted the crazy insane Klaus Kinski.
Tim has adopted David St. Hubbins, aka Michael McKean.
Bubs has adopted notorious ringdinger and prolific thespian Dick Miller.
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein has adopted the lovely and talented Archie Panjabi.
Johnny Yen has adopted the lovely and talented M. Emmett Walsh.
Lulu has adopted all-around nice guy Bruce Altman.
GETkristiLOVE has (when her cat doesn’t divert too much attention from him) adopted Mark Harmon.
Splotchy has adopted the splendiferous David Patrick Kelly.
Adopt-An-Actor
I call on the bloggers of the world to adopt an actor.
I would recommend you pick a character actor, as they are the unsung heroes of the entertainment world.
By adopting Character Actor X you are not expected to be an exhaustive resource on X, nor are you expected to have seen all movies in which X acted. No, none of that crap.
I would only ask that you promote the actor from time to time, and occasionally keep tabs on their progress (assuming he or she isn’t dead). If you want to do it up nice, make a l’il space on your blog where you can have a picture of them.
Now that we have that out of the way, if you’re thinking about adopting David Patrick Kelly, FORGET IT. I have adopted him.
David Patrick Kelly is the best part of a lot of movies that he has acted in. His first movie role was in The Warriors where he delivered the immortal line “Warriors, come out to play-ee-ay!”
Directors Walter Hill and Spike Lee cast Mr. Kelly on a regular basis.
He’s got this knack for being very natural, no matter how cheesy the lines he’s given, whether it’s in sorta silly sci-fi movie Dreamscape or the wonderful Ahnold movie Commando.
I had thought up until today that Mr. Kelly was the person who fired the gun that killed Brandon Lee during the filming of The Crow, but after doing a little bit of research it appears that it was another actor that pulled the trigger.
This makes me feel better.
This is the first post devoted to my adoptee, but not the last.
Go, David, Go!