Category Archives: awards

awards

[Placeholder for Thank You For The Arte Y Pico Post]

5 Comments

1) make sure I thank Rider and The Monkey, for being very nice and friendly and giving me this prestigious award

2) check if anyone has made a joke regarding pico de gallo about this award (possibly put some salsa on the award pic? — see if zaius or manx is available to photoshop!). hmm, everyone has already made this joke. How about a joke regarding the pico UNIX editor? too esoteric, geeky?

3) try not to look like a prick when you don’t hand out any of the awards to other bloggers

4) pick up some milk on the way home

5) smile, dammit, smile!

6) update post to reflect of course I remembered that I was also given this award by Cowboy the Cat. actually, I do remember it, but by him calling me a Cardassian lover my mind short-circuited a little (this is true).

awards

Splotchy Adds Grant Miller To His Blogroll

14 Comments

I have been engaged in a silent but deadly blogroll standoff with Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media. I have not added Mr. Miller; Mr. Miller has not added me.

This escalating cold war of inaction has not been acknowledged by either of us, until now. In fact, I don’t actually know if there really has been a standoff. It’s that silent and insidious.

I am conceding defeat. Mr. Miller, please accept this post as a proof of your victory. You are under no obligation to add I, Splotchy to your blogroll, but please be aware that I have your photograph and a couple of high-end graphics applications, capable of making mustaches and googly-eyes.

While you’re here, you might want to also consider picking up a Meaningless Cherry Award.

Love and Defeat,

Splotchy

awards

Thank Ye Kindly

4 Comments

Hi, just wanted to give thanks to Becca and J.D. for displaying incredible generosity in bestowing the following upon me:

From what I have seen, people given such an award can then in turn award it to five other bloggers. If it’s okay, I’m gonna put these in my goodie bag to give out later, as I have the vapors lately.

Thanks also to MC for this lovely l’il slice of Homeric heaven:


A possible award in YOUR future

How’s about I whip up a suitable image for the winner of the informal gayest video ever contest, which is currently ongoing. Just be warned you have some fierce competition — here as well as here (and there are some mighty gay video links in the comments section of these posts as well).

To Jess Wundrun specifically: I probably should have made up a Taint Award for you in recognition of your amazing performance in the Taint Wars — if you still want one, I’ll gladly make you a slightly disturbing one. Okay, maybe more than slightly disturbing.

awards, blogging about blogging, math fun

Reliving The Nightmare Of Fractions

10 Comments

Hey, I like commenting on other people’s blogs. If that makes me a schmoozer, I guess I am schmoozer.

I have been bestowed a lovely “Schmooze” award by two esteemed bloggers — Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein and SamuraiFrog.

Unfortunately, there is a catch.

Apparently the strict, brutally-enforced rules of the Schmooze award specify that only five awards may be given in an Official Schmooze Award Ceremony ™.

In both cases of my schmooziness recognition, I was given a “partial schmooze” award (which is actually illegal in several states, I believe). The good doctor gave me 1/3 of an award (sharing with two other people), while The Frog gave me 1/2 of an award (shared with the incomparable Johnny Yen).

Oh, great. A GODDAMN FRACTION PROBLEM.

1/2 + 1/3 = ?

(1/2 * 3/3) + (1/3 * 2/2) = ?

3/6 + 2/6 = ?

The answer is 5/6.

I am a 5/6 schmoozer.

Seeing that I am not a full-blown schmoozer, I will bestow five awards upon other bloggers, but they will unfortunately be “partial schmooze” awards. I’m sorry. That’s all I can do. If I tried to give you a full schmooze award, my life would be forfeit.

1. kristi receives 4/7 of a schmooze award because she has more than once dropped a wittily-punned comment here that just bounced off my dullard skull.

2. It might be tacky to award an award to an awardee that was an awarder that awarded an award to me, but I have to throw 1/19 of a schmooze award to Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein, who by his comments here seems to think I am occasionally funny.

3. I have to throw some schmooze love out to Johnny Yen. Unfortunately, I can only give Mr. Yen 1/4 of a schmooze award. Please correct me if I am wrong, but with the 1/2 of an award given to him by SamuraiFrog and this 1/4 award from me, his total schmooze adds up to a 3/4 partial schmooze. If my calculations are correct, this is a mere 1/12 less than my current schmoozosity.

4. Bubs, you totally get 2/0 of a schmooze sailing out your way. I treasure each comment you drop here, but seeing as you already got a complete schmooze award from Doctor Von Monkerstein, I feel like I can give you a fraction that will break a calculator.

5. Lastly, I must give each of the following bloggers 1/423 of a schmooze award:
Manx
Jess
Anandamide
Chris
Frank
J.D.
Tim
Beckeye

To anyone not mentioned above, I HATE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART.

No, seriously, it’s really a warm feeling when someone leaves any kind of comment. If you ever have left a comment (and it wasn’t an advertisement for an exciting new widget for my blog), have the knowledge you brought a smile to my pustule-covered, hideously-disfigured face.

Love,

Splotchy

awards, blogging about blogging

Splotchy Considers An Award

Leave a comment


Here are some award ideas I am bandying about, inspired by the Thinking Blogger awards.

“Stinks At Frogger”
“Ball Hogger”
“Testicle Flogger”
“Asshole Jogger”
“Unscrupulous Snogger”
“Window Defogger”
“What’s An Augur?”

These awards will be handed out without concern for content, style, or correct spelling/grammar/punctuation.

To receive one of the above awards, I only ask that if you some day meet me in person, that you address me as Sir Thaddeus Wifflestein.