First commenter with a doodle idea gets my doodle love.
UPDATE:
This is truly a doodle for the ages. Yes, I drew it with my eyes open. Hey, sixty seconds isn’t a long time, especially for a non-functioning artist such as myself.
For Freida Bee – Dr. Zaius and Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein arm-wrestling, with the iSplotchy observing. 
Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.
Hello, important person and everyone else!
Steve Jobs here!
Congratulations to Tim for becoming the proud new owner of the iSplotchy prototype!
Now that the bidding is over, I can finally reveal all that owning the iSplotchy prototype entails.
Tim, by purchasing this item, you gain the following perks, powers and responsibilities.
01. The power of flight
02. A one-record deal with Warner Brothers, working with producer Rick Rubin
03. An inspirational movie to be made of your life, starring Will Smith
04. Able to decide the correct pronunciation for fifteen words of your choice
05. Mad rhymin’ skillz
06. Must work five references to Pepsi-Cola products into your blog before the end of 2007
07. A personal Scottish dialect coach
08. All the allergy medicine you can carry
09. Diamond-encrusted socks
10. You are an important person, not like all the other yokels who didn’t win the iSplotchy
Congratulations again!
Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.
Hello, people with money!
Steve Jobs here!
I would like to take a few seconds of your time. For those not aware, the prototype for the iSplotchy has found its way onto a website that lets everyday schlubs such as yourself get a chance at seizing a piece of Internet History.
As everyone knows, you are what you own. If you own the iSplotchy protoype, think of the fame and fortune that will be yours, in addition to the waves of ecstatic happiness that will shoot through every fibre of your being *.
You! Sitting in your underwear, your fingers yellowed from compulsive Cheeto-eating! Wouldn’t you feel better with a piece of Internet History sitting beside you, upon which you could occasionally wipe your disgusting fingers on?
This window of opportunity is closing fast for you common folk.
Get your iSplotchy prototype today.
* Fame and fortune are not guaranteed. Feeling of well-being not recognized in the following states: MI, KY, AL, CA, MD
Eat your simian hearts out, Drs. Zaius and Von Monkerstein!
The iSplotchy is where it’s at! (just get out of the way if it loses its balance)
Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.
Hello, citizens, consumers and everyone else!
Steve Jobs here!
As you are well aware, normally I use this forum as a way to reach out to you, the iSplotchy owner, whether it involves the unveiling of exciting new features or giving you the chance of a lifetime to be the proud owner of a piece of Internet history.
I realize the importance of these posts, as the iSplotchy is unanimously loved and cherished by all sentient beings (indeed, what is there not to love?). So, imagine my surprise when the Department Of Defense Against Primates (DODAP) forwarded me this libelous piece of piffle:
iSplotchy attacked by a damned, dirty ape
Who is this “Doctor” Zaius? First of all, in what country can an orangutan with mange be accredited a license to practice medicine? Finland?
“Doctor” Zaius attacks the iSplotchy, accusing it of capitalistic tendencies. Yes, you can buy the prototype. The prototype is not the iSplotchy, my good people, no more than the action figure of Zaius represents himself.
Yes, Zaius has an action figure. And if rumors prove to be true, it is a genital-less action figure.
DODAP has also forwarded me another disturbing development, coincidentally also concerning an alleged simian “doctor”.
“Doctor” Von Monkerstein picks yet another running mate to prop up his failing campaign
I was somewhat disheartened by the news regarding this poor excuse for a snake-oil salesman (technically, a Crunky salesman).
“Doctor” Von Monkerstein has sunk his feces-encrusted paws into none other than G. Kristi Love.
Why, do you ask, does this disturb me? For one, G. Kristi Love was one of the early adopters of the iSplotchy (just check out her comment on this post, before it is hastily deleted by the Von Monkerstein campaign).
The past of G. Kristi Love is already being dropped down the memory hole. Witness her in happier times, the iSplotchy by her side.
Sadly, if you visit the site of “Doctor” Von Monkerstein, you’ll see the iSplotchy has been erased from this picture, in the same way meaning and purpose have been erased from Love’s life.
But, I am not using this forum to criticize the iSplotchy’s opponents, despite the fact that they have questionable credentials and intentions. No, the iSplotchy campaign is above such mudslinging.
I am here to request an open exchange of ideas. A place where citizens of this great nation, nay, of this planet, can have a public forum to see the iSplotchy in all its glory, and see these “Doctors” for the charlatans they are.
I call for a debate.
Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.
Hello once again!
Steve Jobs here!
Normally you know me in my role of esteemed visionary of this planet that we call Ceres, Demeter, Earth Goddess.
However, a lesser known role (though no less valuable) is my constant striving to imbue common everyday objects with unbridled sexuality.
Laptops, music players, telephones. These are all boring objects that fill the functional bookshelves of our lives. These everyday objects are resistant to econosexualization. It is a herculean effort to find features to make these products appealing — add a glowing apple here, make a screen adjust horizontally there — dreadful, boring drudgery.
Yet, once in long while, an object comes pre-sexed, alluring and awe-inspiring, only requiring me to convey to the public in the simplest terms, what the product is and what it can do.
Of course, I speak of the iSplotchy.
And so, I am radiantly proud to announce the inception of a clothing line featuring the iSplotchy.
Now you, the average man and/or woman, can walk the streets, advertising this wonderful product, and your own implicit approval of said product. Not only will the unwashed public see your support of the iSplotchy, but by wearing its apparel the iSplotchy will support you.
The time is now. It is time to advertise the product that is transforming reality for the deserving denizens of this planet. Do you want to be one of the few who is left behind, as the technological rapture sweeps the chosen away, leaving you to sit around and wonder with your boring little lives, “What did I do wrong?”
The time is now. The t-shirts are cotton.
The iSplotchy.
Idea?
UPDATE:
For Manx — the iSplotchy at a roller derby match. As you might be able to tell from the picture, the iSplotchy takes no prisoners.
Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.
Hi all!
Steve Jobs here!
I have been privy to a truly amazing and awe-inspiring development, which I am delighted to share with you, the iSplotchy-adoring public.
The prototype for the iSplotchy, the objet d’art which laid the groundwork for the most wonderful technological innovation hitherto unseen by the unwashed masses, is available for purchase!
How appropriate that it was the Internet where the iSplotchy first made its large, thundering splash, and it is again the Internet where normal people (like you!) have a chance to claw for a piece of history.
Please be aware that this is an item without the features of the iSplotchy you may be familiar with. To the casual observer, it may appear as nothing more than a piece of concrete with a pipe in it.
Yes, to the casual observer — but not you! You are cultured and have traveled the world. I need not sell you on the merits of owning this unique and powerful treasure.
Bah! Enough talking! Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the iSplotchy prototype!
I see that Sleestak, the part-time patriot over at Lady, That’s My Skull, is making a feeble attempt at showing his support for the red, white and blue.
Are we supposed to believe a puny pin worn on the lapel conveys support for this great nation of ours?
When the iSplotchy makes a patriotic statement, it’s with a capital ‘P’ and an italicized, bolded capital ‘S’.
Behold!
Vote iSplotchy for President in 2008 — the only candidate with an enormous flag sticking out of its pipe.
