On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs.

Here they be.

Hillside – Our Landfill Is Closing In ’08!
Brookfield – So Much More Than A Group Of Filthy, Smelly Animals
Oak Park – Ask Us About Our High Property Taxes
Schaumburg – Yes, We Have An Olive Garden
Palatine – Like Schaumburg On Steroids
DeKalb – Please Don’t Call Us “Duh Cab”
Evanston – Home of the Smugly Progressive
Hinsdale – No Fat Chicks
Kenilworth – We Theoretically Welcome Black People
Naperville – Come Join The Sprawl!
Rolling Meadows – Neither Rolling Nor Meadows

Well, I might as well trot out one more story related to Chicago suburbs and their somewhat lame attempts at self-promotion.

When we first moved to Brookfield and would occasionally pop into the nearby suburb of LaGrange for some errands, I noted some banners they had lining the streets of their lovely downtown — they simply said “Ahhh! LaGrange”, which struck me as kind of humorous. Okay — I can see “Ahhh! Chocolate” or “Ahhh! A crazy man wielding an ax!” but I have trouble taking “Ahhh! LaGrange” seriously.

I mentioned seeing these banners to a fellow west suburbs coworker, who, minutes later, looked for and found a promotional website for LaGrange — http://ahhhlagrange.com.

This also struck me as humorous — having an interjection like “Ahhh” in a website address. Are we expecting people to remember the degree of “ahness” that LaGrange is? God forbid they visit ahhlagrange.com, or even worse, ahlagrange.com.

So, flash-forward to about six months ago. My wife drops me off at our dentist in LaGrange on the way to pick up our eldest son from preschool. I get my teeth cleaned and then have the dentist’s office call me a cab (it’s the easiest thing for me to do with my wife busy with our one car, and no easy mass transportation options available).

I strike up a conversation with the twentysomething fella who is driving my cab. I ask where he is from. When he mentions he’s from LaGrange, I launch into the above story, and gently ridicule his town for their goofy slogan.

He mentions he is the son of an advertising man. But not just any ad man, but the man who came up with “Ahhh! LaGrange”.

“Ah man, I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t offend you,” I said.

He said he wasn’t offended. He did say he would pass on my comments to his dad. I asked if he could tone down my sarcasm a bit, though.

I swear, sometimes these posts write themselves.

So, I’m walking back to work on Harrison Street after lunch today in near-downtown Chicago, when I spot a large billboard advertising for the western suburb of Berwyn, y’know, to get people excited about living, working, playing there.

This is the slogan for their new ad campaign — “Why Berywn?”

I’m not an ad man. I know very little about marketing and public relations.

One thing I do know, however, is that if you are marketing something, whether it be a new toothpaste, or a suburb that is poked fun of mercilessly by a local TV personality, is that you don’t just have the name of the product preceded by “Why”.

If the advertiser has to ask you, the consumer, “Why [my product]?” there is something seriously wrong going on with the product they are selling.

Do they have a website? Why, yes they do!

But why visit it? Why?