Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

–Douglas Adams, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”

How long did it take me to walk from work to my train in Union Station?
10 minutes, 26 seconds, and .71 hundredths of a second.

How long did it take me to walk from my train in Brookfield to home?
16 minutes, 23 seconds, and 64 hundredths of a second.

How long did it take me to write this post?
4 minutes, 22 seconds and 13 hundredths of a second.

Today, I was walking to work when I saw someone riding a bike, wearing a POW/MIA shirt. Every day I pass by two post offices and a park that fly the POW/MIA flag.

It got me thinking. This flag has always bothered me deep down, ever since I first became aware of it. Now, I don’t wish to denigrate anyone that has an emotional attachment to the flag, but I think there is something troubling about its prevalence in the US.

According to the Department of Defense’s Defense Prisoner Of War/Missing Personnel Office, the flag is “a constant reminder of the plight of America’s POW/MIAs”.

Now, if this flag gives people comfort, that’s a good thing. Yet, I think there is an undercurrent of anger about the outcome of the Vietnam War in this flag, too. There are traces of hostility. If the US would have been seen as winning this conflict (what “winning” means in this context is very problematic), would this flag be flying everywhere in the US? I don’t think so.

I see the POW/MIA flag as an iconic symbol of the Vietnam War for many people — not necessarily due to the fact that they experienced a personal loss of someone during this conflict, but that the flag was some sort of representation of a psychic wound that the person felt was inflicted upon them. As Jimmy Carter infamously said, no apology was required to Viet Nam for the war because “the destruction was mutual”.

But, the POW/MIA symbol doesn’t begin to encapsulate the tragedy that the Vietnam War was. What about the people who didn’t go missing in action, but came back irreparably damaged?

For God’s sakes, what about the Vietnamese? They suffered deaths in the millions. They’re still suffering from the effects of chemicals used in the war. What does the flag have to say about that?

I don’t have a lot of optimism about the current conflict in Iraq. Again, we have invaded another country without provocation. Again, the conflict has been drawn out over several years, with drastic consequences for the US military, and far more drastic consequences for the civilian population of the country we are occupying.

I think winning, something we again seem to be having a great deal of trouble defining, much less achieving, is not a likely outcome. So, what will be the iconic symbol Americans grab hold of after this conflict finally sputters out?

I saw a lot of people generate their own seal for their blog at an Official Seal Generator website.

So, I made a seal for the aftermath of the war. Not funny, but I put some thought into it.

We recently received an International Male catalog in the mail. If you are not already aware, International Male is on the cutting edge of male bikini thong technology.

Fellas, do want a little more pizazz? Would you like a little help down there?

Look no further than the push-up thong.

It has hidden padding that “lifts you up and out”.

Hi, I just want to tell you, it’s okay.

You don’t have to use a “shutter click” sound on your digital camera or cellphone when you take a picture.

There are not mechanical doodads making that noise. It’s just a sound sample.

Here, try clicking on this: –> camera shutter sound
Did you hear a shutter clicking? Do you think your computer just photographed you?

Actually, in this case it did. I hope you were wearing clothes.

There was a man named Mohammed who had the phone number I have now.

From time to time, we’ll get phone calls for him.

Lately, a woman has been calling us. I’m not sure if she is calling for him, or just dialing for someone with a similar number to ours.

Whenever she calls, since hers is a voice I don’t recognize, I automatically just say, “You have the wrong number.” I haven’t understood what she is saying — she was not asking for a person’s name.

Tonight, however, I think I understood.

She was saying, As-Salāmu `Alaykum. A common translation of this phrase is, “Peace be upon you.” Now, if I answered the phone, and the first thing someone said to me in English was “Peace be upon you,” I don’t know that I would so abruptly say they had the wrong number. I’d be kind of thrown off a bit. In my mind, that’s a powerful and loving thing to say to someone, especially a stranger.

According to the Wikipedia article I link to above:

“The traditional response is “wa `Alaykum As-Salām”, meaning “and on you be peace.”

Should I practice the pronunciation of this response?

I don’t know… I found a website, How to Greet Non-Muslims? which says that “As-Salāmu `Alaykum” should not be used as a greeting for non-Muslims. Is this website definitive? Is the exchange of these greetings between a Muslim and a non-Muslim seen as an egregious affront to Islam by a large group of Muslims? A small group of Muslims? Any?

Can I wish peace upon someone who wishes peace onto me?

What do I say?

Wrong number?

For some reason, the subject line of a spam email in my inbox caught my eye.

Make your fat friends envy you

I don’t know, it just clicked for me. So’s I checked the other 10-15 spam emails also in my inbox for any other choice phrases.

Surprisingly, I found several gems.

1. Do you want your dick to be wallpaper for a computer? Try [product name deleted].

I honestly don’t know if I want that or not. My brain almost short-circuited when I read it.

2. [product name deleted] is a penis enlargement product that will enhance your penis in length and girth without damagining your health.

I like that word, “damagining”. Didn’t he play for the Yankees in the 1940’s?

3. [product deleted] – an extremely striking flesh loss product is made available now wherever you need it!!!

Would you believe me if I told you the product was called Shylock?

4. May 24 2007 day of the explotion.
Already 200 millions of people has read this message !!!

Didn’t the season finale for Heroes already air on the 21st?

1. Rights to use the word bef*ckered.
2. An openly hostile interview subject on Inside The Actor’s Studio.
3. Spider-Man 3. I paid $9.50 to see it. It was worth $5.
4. Charlie Rose wrestling a greased hobo.
5. Rainbows, smiles and happiness.

Had kind of an interesting thing happen to me when I was visiting Wikipedia earlier today.

I actually have an account there (used it once to correct the glaring, horrible error that the Lizard first appeared in Amazing Spider-Man #6, *not* #7!).

Despite the fact that I have an account there, when I visit the site I am never logged in.

So, imagine my surprise when I see that there is a message waiting for me.

I click on the message. The message was intended for the IP address I am currently using.

Now, realize that most Internet users don’t have “static” IP addresses. Your Internet Service Provider (ISP) usually has a bunch of IP addresses reserved for their use. When you connect to the Internet, your ISP will just assign you an IP address at random. This is often referred to as a “dynamic” IP.

From time to time (I’m not exactly sure what prompts this), your IP address will switch.

Wikipedia allows editing by members of their site, but it also allows edits anonymously. Instead of logging your ID when you edit a page, it logs your IP address.

Apparently the miscreant who last had my dynamic IP address had a little fun with the Lincoln-Way East High School page.

I just want to go on record that I would have spelled it “douchebag” not “doochbag”.

I guess if you have a nightmare, you might as well cover all your bases.

Last night was one of those glorious dreams.

1. I was wandering around at college, after having gone back to school to start a new career. But, I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing there.
2. A relative of mine got shot and lay on the ground, all bloodied.
3. I tried to help this relative, then realized I had traveled from the future and was in danger of meeting myself, creating a time paradox.

This is old news, I know, but I saw Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room for the first time last night when it aired on PBS.

I had followed the Enron case, but there were things that I learned of that I hadn’t known. For example, Enron traders actually had some of their power plants shut down under various false pretenses during the rolling blackouts in California in order to artificially inflate the cost of electricity they were passing on to you, the consumer. They have some audio of traders patting themselves on the back and laughing — it’s really beyond my ability to comment on it, it’s so horrid.

This kind of crime just makes me boil with rage. Someday this kind of crap will hopefully be seen as just one notch above child molester. Maybe when we stop worshipping the almighty buck.