I love things that have been forgotten or disregarded. Hooker motels, for example.

Why do I like them? Because they are old? Because they are fragile? Because no one loves them? A little bit of all that, I suppose.

This blog is now somewhat abandoned. My original website is *woefully* abandoned. I abandoned them both. It was me that did this, and no one else.

I am on Facebook, but only in a very vague and superficial way. I post a stupid status update, and link to a song, mostly on M-F.

These days my online presence is mostly on Twitter.

Twitter is insidious. My naked need for being liked/accepted/validated has never been stronger than it is on Twitter. People “follow” you. Or once following you they decide to “unfollow” you. Several people have unfollowed me and it has really hurt my feelings. Many more have unfollowed me than these few, but you’ll be relieved to know not *every* unfollow is like a cold knife through my psyche.

I think the limitation of 140 chars per tweet actually might be having a negative effect on my thought processes. I don’t know what kind of effect, but it seems unnatural having to reduce thoughts to a limited number of characters. Unnatural and stupid.

I was going to try and stop using Twitter for 30 days, while I am blogging. I haven’t stopped yet. I might not, I don’t know. We’ll see. But I will blog more.

Here I think in paragraphs, not just single bursts of long sentences. Here I can write. Here I can revise, even after I publish.

So, I am going to try and love this abandoned blog, at least for a little bit. I love you, abandoned blog. I love you.

Splotchy Bits

Might be fun to use, might be dormant.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Fuck Fuck Fuck?

Fuck.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck, Fuck Fuck?

Fuck Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Fuck Fuck, Fuck.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck,

Fuck

Hi all,

I normally do a memorial for each story virus I do. I also like to traverse the various threads that spawn.

I have been kinda busy with the holidays, but I will follow up this week and stuff.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND WISH YOU THE POWER OF FLIGHT, SUPER STRENGTH, AND INVISIBILITY.

Put your question(s) in the comments, and the blog post shall answer.

Rose asks:
Aside from punishment to humankind, why are there mosquitoes?

A: To provide human beings with a philosophical discussion as an icebreaker in bars.

okjimm asks:
What wood would Tiger Woods chuck if Tiger Woods chucked his woods?

A: 2, and please don’t talk about chucking woods. This is a family blog.

Doc asks:
What is a Brazilian wax and why would someone want to smear wax on a Brazilian? Why not a Panamanian? Or a Cuban?

A: Brazilian wax is sought after by many discerning record collectors (preferably 180 gram vinyl). You should never smear the wax, but store it in plastic sleeves in a temperature-controlled room with average humidity.

Doc asks:
Can you name two paradoxes?

A: The fact that doxes only come in pairs is itself a paradox, and when this is sentence is multipled by two (as it must be to satisfy the definition of paradox’s criteria) creates two paradoxes. It is impossible to name anything less than two paradoxes.

Doc asks:
Why is a “panhandler” a bum or hobo and not a chef or a dishwasher?

A: Doesn’t everyone know this already? “Panhandlers” are the people that handle your food and dish-cleaning. Chefs and dishwashers serve in strictly supervisory positions. It is the panhandlers that are the grimy core of the culinary arts.

Doc asks:
What are the three worst cliche’s?

A: For this, look no further than the films of Joel Schumacher.

Doc asks:
How do you handle a hungry man?

A: Get a Panhandler (see above)

Doc asks:
I suffer from erectile dysfunction, meaning I have trouble getting up in the morning. Any suggestions?

A: Nope, no suggestions here. Good luck with that.

Doc asks:
Name three of your favorite wastes of time besides blogging.

A: 1) Drawing mustaches on Kate Bush pictures 2) Removing mustaches from Adolph Hitler pictures 3) Writing fan fiction about Kate Bush destroying the Nazis with the power of her music (I’m calling it Vainglorious Bushterds)

Doc asks:
Would George Washington have used a wire brush to clean his wooden teeth?

A: Nope. Ivory. Would we expect any less from our first president?

Doc asks:
Say I won the lottery. What would be the best way to blow the money? Beer and hookers or the stock market?

A: I don’t understand the question. I thought the stock market was underpinned by hookers and beer.

Doc asks:
Sorry. I was just riffing there for a moment.

A: This is not a question.

Randal Graves:
How does one riff like Doc without a guitar?

A: Typing quickly and repeatedly hitting the “Submit” button is a good start.

Jin:
Haahaa!!! Bravo gentlemen. No topping all that so I’ll just await the answers.
😉

A: Will you await the answers? (yes, you will). Note that I have inserted a question for you and answered it.

Nathan:
I know why the chicken crossed the road, but why did he cross back again after that?

A: You have to provide more information. There are lots of chickens crossing the road, with their own peculiar reasons. I can’t give you any info until I am sure we are speaking of the same chicken.

Freida Bee:
Why are we here?

A: Hm, didn’t another blog post address this existential question? This blog post does not do other blog post’s questions.

Someone at NASA likes my dirty crossword puzzle.

Don’t presume anyone is a [singular noun], and don’t be surprised when they turn out to be one.

(previously)