Category Archives: zombies

zombies

Start Making Interesting Zombie Movies, Or Stop Making Shitty Ones

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Enough with the zombies. They aren’t interesting anymore. Dawn of the Dead came out in 1978. 1978! What other interesting zombie movies ARE THERE?!!

I don’t really like any of the recent zombie movies/shows I have seen. 28 Days Later. Zombieland. The Walking Dead. Okay, so we see how people act under duress. Enough already. Who cares?

I haven’t read the Jane Austen zombie book, but I am going to go out on a limb and say I hate it. Yeah, I hate something I haven’t read! DEAL WITH IT!

I am going to give you 3 Zombie Story Ideas. They might have been used already, they might have not. I’m not checking.

1) Vegetarian Zombies

The dead walk the Earth! But they don’t want to eat brains. They want grains, fruits, vegetables! They menace crops. They go after farmer’s markets. They invade supermarkets.

Maybe they get violent in their attempt to procure these non-meats. They are aggressive.

How does the non-zombie world treat them?

2) Sex Zombies

Zombies don’t want to eat your brains. They want to fuck your brains out. See, I just came up with the tagline. I did half the work for you.

The zombies are driven by their genitalia. To kill the zombie, you must destroy their junk. Ouch!

Depending on the zombies’ sex and sexual orientation, they will be moaning after “Tiiiiiiiits” or “Coooooooooooooock” or, you get the idea.

3) Eat A Zombie To Stay Alive

Okay, the zombies are like regular zombies. They eat people, they can be killed by destroying the brain.

The world is overrun by zombies. They outnumber the living.

Scientists have discovered that when a human being ingests zombie flesh, they give off a scent which repels zombies. Well, the zombie doesn’t want to eat the human, at least.

They have tried synthesizing the scent, coming up with a perfume, etc., but none of that works. The only thing works is eating zombie flesh.

Are there side effects to eating zombie flesh? I don’t know, haven’t thought of that yet. Perhaps some long-term effects that would be discovered in the course of the movie.

So, in this world zombie flesh is what’s for dinner. It’s a means of survival. How does this ripple out to society? There are chefs that attempt to make zombie flesh more palatable. Companies start marketing products. You get the idea.

I THOUGHT OF THESE THREE IDEAS IN AN AFTERNOON. COME UP WITH INTERESTING ZOMBIE MOVIES OR STOP MAKING ZOMBIE MOVIES.

P.S. I LOVED THE SHAUN OF THE DEAD

shopping, zombies

One Year Blogoversary – It All Comes Down To Zombies And Shopping

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It was a year ago today when I began uploading my thoughts to this blog. That first post was about a zombie apocalypse.

I am looking for help from the readers of this blog now.

We are out shopping at a supermarket when the zombie apocalypse becomes evident to us. The front of the supermarket is made up of floor to ceiling glass windows. There are two sets of automatic glass doors on either end of the front of the supermarket. There is also a service entrance in the back, which is a steel door and locked from the inside.

There are hundreds of zombies outside in the front parking lot. There are about fifteen zombie shoppers in the supermarket. There are five zombies out back. All of the store’s employees are zombies.

The zombies are the slow-moving, George Romero kind. You can kill them by removing the head or destroying the brain.

Assume that all non-zombies in the supermarket arrived by motor vehicle.

Quick, we need to decide on a plan! What are we going to do? What do we need to take care of in order to survive?

I need to know what our priorities are, and we need to decide on tasks and have volunteers for each task.

Together we can get through this! I know it!

SO LET’S GO!

zombies

Please Answer This Music Zombie Question

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If you could have any dead musician(s) resurrected as a zombie(s) to play or record more music, who would it be?

Here’s more details about their zombieness, which may affect your decision.

  • The zombie musician(s) would want to eat brains.

  • The zombie musician(s) would retain their personality for the most part, filtered through the fact that they really, really, really want to eat brains.

  • Apart from the fact that they would not be eating brains, the zombie musician(s) would be largely content playing and recording music.

  • The zombie musician(s) musical abilities might be a little diminished. Their finger dexterity, vocal range and timbre, etc., would be affected, though you would still recognize their playing as distinctly them.

Ready?

Start resurrecting!

shopping, zombies

Shopping and stranded during a Zombie Apocalypse

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So apparently to begin blogging one must actually do an initial post. So, here it is.

I was getting a sandwich at a local megachain grocery store with a coworker a while back, and I, for some reason, posed a “Dawn of the Dead”-inspired question:

If you were stuck in this grocery store for the rest of your natural life (and assuming your natural life would continue for several decades), would you be able to subsist solely on things within the store?

My friend indicated most definitely, and basically was able to convince me, though a nagging doubt still is in the back of my mind about it.

Now I find myself going through a mental exercise when going shopping (something I don’t really enjoy that much). If the world went all zombie very, very quickly, and I chose this store I was purchasing my Cheetos in to be my last stand, how long would I last? How long would I last in a Walgreen’s? Six weeks? Six months?

This mental exercise doesn’t need to be limited to stores having food. Imagine you’re stuck in a Dress Barn — what could you convert to weapons to hunt animals and kill zombies? The possibilities are endless! This might give you Scrooges some enjoyment on your next reluctant Xmas or Birthday shopping excursion.