I Am Back And Have Put In A Fair Amount Of Time In Catching Up With All Your Blogs

Hello, I’m back from San Diego.

This isn’t a post about San Diego, merely a post indicating yes, I was there, and now I am back home.

MizSplotchy and I had a very nice time.

You guys have been writing entirely too many posts. I had like 200 freaking posts I had to catch up with. Jeebus H. Crikey.

Thanks for everyone’s recommendations as to what to do in San Diego. We did many of them, some of which I’ll go into more detail. I took some pictures, and some turned out nicely.

Here’s a quick rundown of what we did/didn’t do there:
Anthony’s – Yes
San Diego Zoo – Sort of
Fires – Yes, if you count its aftereffects
Tijuana – No (I wanted to, but ran out of time)
Beach – Yes
Dr. Seuss House – Nope
Coronado Hotel – Yep
Tequila – Nope, but had a fair amount of beer
Old Town – Nope, almost did, but didn’t
Balboa Park – Yes

A few more items, not related to San Diego, but need to be shared:

Doc wrote a lovely piece of fiction involving the iSplotchy. Check it out here.

I learned upon my return that my brother is still playing World of Warcraft. There will be an update to his adventures later this week, WITH SCREENSHOTS.

Plans are underway to liberate G. Kristi Love from the clutches of her running mate Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein. It’s going to require some mad photoshopping skillz on my part — when I finally get it done, the world will never be the same (that was hyperbole, by the way).

Okay, I’m going to watch a new shitty episode of Heroes now. See ya soon!

Hi From A Pre-Dawn San Diego

Hello. I am in California.

It is dark.

I am waiting for everyone to wake up.

We’re here for MizSplotchy’s brother’s 40th B-day.

Since he now knows we’re here (it was a surprise) I can finally announce my whereabouts.

Probably not a lotta posts over the next few days, but I’m sure I’ll write about my experiences ad nauseum when we return.

If anyone wants to recommend any sites in the San Diego area that we absolutely have to see, please leave a comment.

Thanks.

Splotchy, The Artificially Stupid Robot

I’ve used the word “Splotchy” for a pretty long time.

I have been using the domain name Splotchy.com since 1999, and was probably was using “Splotchy” for other websites a year before that.

What’s the significance of the word to me? None, really. I just like it. That’s pretty much it.

Seeing as I have been using this word on the web for a long time, you’d think there would be a fair chance I might come up first in a search engine looking for it.

But you’d be wrong. This comes up.

Meet Splotchy, the Artificially Stupid Robot.

You can type comments or questions to Splotchy, and he answers in his own inimitably stupid way.

Here’s a transcript of a recent conversation between myself and the dumb robot.

I, Splotchy ==> why do you come up before me in google?
splotchy the robot ==> I always come up before you in google

I, Splotchy ==> Why do you think that is?
splotchy the robot ==> I am genetically programmed to think that is

I, Splotchy ==> Do you really expect me to believe you are intelligent, and aren’t just a series of canned phrases programmed to respond to key phrases you find in a question?
splotchy the robot ==> so what if I really expect you

I, Splotchy ==> So that’s what passes for an intelligent response?
splotchy the robot ==> what is it you are getting at?

I, Splotchy ==> You’re a phony and I don’t love you any more.
splotchy the robot ==> you should

I, Splotchy ==> Should not
splotchy the robot ==> you bet

I, Splotchy ==> Bet what?
splotchy the robot ==> hugh?

I, Splotchy ==> Visit http://isplotchy.com/blog, where what little intelligence in evidence is natural, baby!
splotchy the robot ==> ga-ga-goo-goo

To The Writers On Strike

Hello, writers on strike! — whether you’re groggily surfing the web from a laptop on your kitchen countertop, or are hitting this site from your cellphone, taking a a little break from walking the picket line, greetings to you!

I hope you have your demands met to your satisfaction, and have them met soon. I’m not currently in a union (nor is there a union that I can join at this point), but I walked the picket line with my art teacher mother a couple times when I was a kid. The experience made a really strong impression on me, despite the fact that I didn’t understand the ins and outs of the dispute at the time.

I think it was important to me because it represented individuals banding together to effect a positive change. Of course, unions aren’t necessarily altruistic by nature — they are more organizations of self-interest, but they do function as a defense against larger entities often motivated by less-than-honorable intentions. It’s weird how people form into these kinds of groups, that these situations such as the ongoing strike can arise, and then it gets me thinking about other groups people form, and the resulting war and genocide that can occur as result of different groups clashing. Then I think about how some stupid crap in our genetic makeup will probably result in the extinction of our species, and we’re all walking towards a cliff, knowing we’re walking towards the cliff, and knowing we shouldn’t, but we walk off that cliff anyway.

That being said, if it wouldn’t constitute a violation to the rules of your strike, and you wish to keep up your writing chops, I’d be happy to have you contribute a fictional story involving the iSplotchy — sci-fi, erotic fiction, etc.

I’m not a rich man, but I’d happily pay you in doodles.

If rules prevent you from contributing iSplotchy stories during the duration of the strike, I apologize for requesting them (I looked for the strike rules on the WGA site without any luck). I *will* still be accepting stories after the strike is over, of course.

Long Live Labor And The Human Race,

Splotchy

One Hundred Percent Cotton Joy

There are occasions in one’s life where something comes completely out of left field — a little shocking, a little surprising.

Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s bad, but usually it’s something notable and interesting, and knocks you off your feet a bit.

I’m going to file the following under “great”.

Thank you, Jin!

Congratulations, Tim!

Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.

Hello, important person and everyone else!

Steve Jobs here!

Congratulations to Tim for becoming the proud new owner of the iSplotchy prototype!

Now that the bidding is over, I can finally reveal all that owning the iSplotchy prototype entails.

Tim, by purchasing this item, you gain the following perks, powers and responsibilities.

01. The power of flight
02. A one-record deal with Warner Brothers, working with producer Rick Rubin
03. An inspirational movie to be made of your life, starring Will Smith
04. Able to decide the correct pronunciation for fifteen words of your choice
05. Mad rhymin’ skillz
06. Must work five references to Pepsi-Cola products into your blog before the end of 2007
07. A personal Scottish dialect coach
08. All the allergy medicine you can carry
09. Diamond-encrusted socks
10. You are an important person, not like all the other yokels who didn’t win the iSplotchy

Congratulations again!

To Pay Or Not To Pay

So, my brother still does not know if he is going to pursue a paid subscription with the folks at Blizzard Entertainment, for access to their popular game World of Warcraft.

Right now he is on his eighth day of the Free Trial. Enclosed please find an update of his progress.

The Adventures of Baklava, the herb-gathering, rabbit-killing Night Elf Druid

Baklava, a Level 11 Night Elf Druid character, is now proficient in herb lore, and can now pick weeds and herbs. He doesn’t know what to do with them at this point. But he can pick them.

Baklava is now getting good at skinning deer and rabbit, without ruining their pelts. He says you have to kill them to get their pelts.

“Can deer or rabbits hurt you in combat?” I ask.

“No, only through guilt.”

I ask them how you approach them.

“They just stand there. I shoot a spell at them and they drop dead.”

“Does it take a long time to get from place to place?” I inquire.

“Yeah, it takes fucking forever.”

However, Baklava said there are platforms in various cities where a tired Night Elf can hitch a ride on a hippogriff. He says that the experience of flight on the hippogriff is especially nice, and says that the game overall is very beautiful.

Mazgul, the unfortunately-named Undead Mage

My brother also has an Undead mage, currently at Level 7. The mage’s name is Mazgul. After creating him, my brother realizes the name is just one letter and a caret off from Nazgûl (something he didn’t intend, and makes him now think of it as a name that conveys to him a particular Lord Of The Rings-style of dweebishness).

Mazgul was wandering around a graveyard on a quest, looking for some dog blood for a spell. He walked into a crypt, when suddenly the door shut behind him. He realized he was trapped there with a much higher level monster, and was quickly and brutally killed.

As he was recovering his body, a fellow adventurer got his attention by saying, “LOL I killed you” — apparently this was the jerk who had shut the crypt door on my brother. My brother noted that when the text “LOL” is typed for a character, you hear the character laughing, which is, as you can probably guess, annoying.

Mazgul was able to finish collecting vials of dog blood. Now he is concentrating on a new quest involving collecting ten red scarves from some bandits. Yes, it all sounds a bit swishy.

A pleasing part of playing Mazgul involves casting an Immolation spell, which sets the recipient of the spell ablaze. Mazgul says that he set some Dusk Bats on fire from a long ways away, and told me that they were really cool looking as they slowly swooped down at him, engulfed in flames.

He said that Undead characters are able to use some sort of magic floating ship for transportation, which is also cool. Apparently the different races you play have differing experiences throughout the game — quests are different, as are means of transportation, where your character starts out at is different, etc.

Will Baklava/Mazgul start shelling out cash money for the privilege of gathering herbs, killing rabbits and setting bats on fire? Stay tuned for the next (and possibly, last) installment of World of Warcraft.

And now, what you’ve been waiting for – more sexy Night Elf action.

Not pictured: the owner of this lifesize Night Elf replica, faintly intoning “It rubs the lotion on its skin.”

jung vf fcybgpul?