movies, two buck schmuck

Ultimatum, Schmultimatum

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I’ll admit it right up front. I broke a rule tonight. An unwritten rule that I guess I will write about now. So, only a recently explicitly written rule.

But first, some background before I write out that rule.

I would have been more than happy to settle in with MizSplotchy tonight, for a nice cozy evening of popcorn and Jeepers Creepers.

The recent experience of Freaky Frights On Forest has raised the joy of Halloween in my blood to near toxic levels (also, I believe they had a Jeepers Creepers display on the southwest corner of Forest). I haven’t seen Jeepers Creepers before, and no, I didn’t know my nemesis Justin Long was in it.

But, alas, MizSplotchy had to study. Since I couldn’t watch a scary movie by myself without gettin’ the night terrors, I decided to see what was playing at the LaGrange.

Here’s what my choices were.

The Bourne Ultimatum
I’ve seen the other two Bourne movies on TV, and they were kind of [shrug] okay.

No Reservations
Some godforsaken shitty romantic comedy starring Aaron Eckhart and Catherine Zeta-Jones. I wouldn’t be so harsh about a movie I haven’t seen, but the tagline for it is “Something’s Cooking This Summer”. See? Shitty.

Rush Hour 3
Haven’t seen the first two, and felt like I would be just swimming in confusion. Why is that black guy talking so excitedly? Why is that old Chinese guy trying to do karate?

Stardust
A fantasy of monumentally magical proportions.

So, hmm. Stardust started earlier, at 8:50pm. I sorta half-assed wanted to see Bourne, but it didn’t start until 9:20pm. Agh, that was a little late for me. The only thing I knew about Stardust was from its trailer, with Robert DeNiro sporting a shit-eating grin as he pilots a large, magic flying ship.

I bring up Stardust’s entry on the IMDB. Wow, it’s got an 8.1 user rating! That ain’t shabby. What the hell. I decided to catch the earlier show of Stardust.

So I have sat down for the showing of Stardust. As it starts out, we see there’s this really old wall in England, and an eighteen year old boy gets by an old geezer who’s guarding a gap in the wall, which is supposedly a gateway to a magic land. And it does indeed turn out to be a magic land. So, the kid goes and has sex with a princess who is enslaved to a witch, and then nine months later back in England said boy has a baby delivered to him, and then eighteen years later that baby is a boy who is in love with this girl, and then a star falls from the sky.

I looked at my watch. 9:12pm. Boy, this movie is kind of cheesy. And I don’t like the special effects. Also kind of cheesy. I don’t know if I can wait for DeNiro’s grinning goofiness. 9:16. The fallen star has turned into Claire Danes.

I get up and exit the theater. I walk into Theater 1 and wait for The Bourne Ultimatum to start.

Mr. Damon? Mr. Damon? Over here!

This is the rule I broke. Stardust might be a perfectly fine movie. Hell, many users on the IMDB who possibly aren’t all complete nimrods thought Stardust was fantastic. In the future, I think that if I go to see a movie, I should stay until the end of it. Unless I don’t really want to.

Okay, so. The Bourne Ultimatum. Kind of pointless. Lots of unnecessary camera motion to keep you from focusing on the lack of a plot. In the end, Bourne supposedly answers the riddles of his life that he’s been struggling for in the last three movies. I still don’t see a happy life for him. One day he’s going to be waiting in line at the DMV, and somebody will look at him the wrong way and he’s going to snap their pinkies off.

I got home and told MizSplotchy I started out watching Stardust, but it didn’t feel right watching it. She replied,”Why? Because you aren’t a big vagina?” Oh, MizSplotchy!

halloween

These Things Won’t Be Around Much Longer, Folks

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If you live in the Chicago area and you haven’t been to the following attractions, their last days are both on October 31st.

You will kick yourself if you miss either of them. If you miss them and you don’t kick yourself, don’t worry, I’ll make sure someone kicks you.

Niki In The Garden
A celebration of the work of sculptor Niki de Saint Phalle, at the marvelous Garfield Park Conservatory.

The Garfield Park Conservatory is steps from a stop on the Green Line. If you want to drive, there’s free parking. To walk through the lovely greenhouses and an amazing new grassy space out behind the greenhouses, all of them having wonderful sculptures, a $5.00 donation is requested.

One of the highlights of the exhibit was “La Cabeza”, which you could actually walk inside.

Freaky Frights On Forest
A two-block stretch in the western suburb of North Riverside — motion-activated, eerily-lit fog-enshrouded, spooky music enchanted, gross and fantastical Halloween wonderment.

I took these pictures with my digital camera. I didn’t want to despook the surroundings with a flash, so I just tried my best at holding the camera still. Some pictures came out a little too blurry, but some also came out kind of cool as a result.

This is the second year I’ve gone to Freaky Frights. There was a lot of new stuff this year, but this spooky glowing puppet inside a little house was once again my favorite.

Woo, I got the moon in there! It was almost full.

Dracula was actually under a strobe light, which probably contributed to this strange effect.

iSplotchy

iSplotchy For Sale

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Note: This post has been guest-written by Steve Jobs.

Hi all!

Steve Jobs here!

I have been privy to a truly amazing and awe-inspiring development, which I am delighted to share with you, the iSplotchy-adoring public.

The prototype for the iSplotchy, the objet d’art which laid the groundwork for the most wonderful technological innovation hitherto unseen by the unwashed masses, is available for purchase!

How appropriate that it was the Internet where the iSplotchy first made its large, thundering splash, and it is again the Internet where normal people (like you!) have a chance to claw for a piece of history.

Please be aware that this is an item without the features of the iSplotchy you may be familiar with. To the casual observer, it may appear as nothing more than a piece of concrete with a pipe in it.

Yes, to the casual observer — but not you! You are cultured and have traveled the world. I need not sell you on the merits of owning this unique and powerful treasure.

Bah! Enough talking! Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the iSplotchy prototype!

gmmp

Presenting The Battle Of The Sexes Mix!

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Volume 10 of the Green Monkey Music Project is completed and available for download!

Special thanks to supermixologist Beth, who came through like the hero she is, and provided a large number of the songs for the mix!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I’ll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).

==========================
BATTLE OF THE SEXES!
==========================

Rules and Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
Beckeye!
Moxie!
Lulu!
Splotchy!
Allen L.!
Barbara!

The Songs:

Ladies
01 – Darlene – Led Zeppelin [beckeye]
02 – Vicky Verky – Squeeze [beckeye]
03 – Blue Jean – David Bowie [beckeye]
04 – Hey Julie – Fountains of Wayne [beckeye]
05 – Always Claire – Knockout Drops [beckeye]
06 – Eleanor Rigby – The Beatles [distributorcap]
07 – Chelsea Morning – Joni Mitchell [distributorcap]
08 – Walk Away Renee – The Four Tops [distributorcap]
09 – Sad Lisa – Cat Stevens [distributorcap]
10 – Suite Judy Blue Eyes – Crosby Stills & Nash [distributorcap]
11 – Jenny (867-5309) – Tommy Tutone [flanneryalden]
12 – Maggie Mae – Rod Stewart [flanneryalden]
13 – Candy’s Room – Bruce Springsteen [flanneryalden]
14 – Donna – Ritchie Valens [flanneryalden]
15 – Sarah Smiles – Hall & Oates [flanneryalden]
16 – Mustang Sally – The Commitments [moxie]
17 – Pandora’s Box – Aerosmith [moxie]
18 – Meet Virginia – Train [moxie]
19 – Jolene – Dolly Parton [moxie]
20 – Amanda – Boston [moxie]
21 – Valerie Loves Me – Material Issue [lulu]
22 – Sweet Jane – Cowboy Junkies [lulu]
23 – Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) – Edison Lighthouse [lulu]
24 – Cecilia Ann – Pixies [lulu]
25 – Jamie’s Crying – Van Halen [lulu]

Gents
26 – Charlemagne – John Cale [splotchy]
27 – Billy Two – The Clean [splotchy]
28 – Captain Lou – NRBQ [splotchy]
29 – Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing – The Minutemen [splotchy]
30 – Adam Green – Momus [splotchy]
31 – Paul Stanley – Hellacopters [allenl]
32 – St. Jimmie the Prankster – Dean Gray (Green Day Mashup) [allenl]
33 – Jonathan – Nerf Herder [allenl]
34 – Vincent – Don Maclean [allenl]
35 – Pablo Picasso Visitos Los Planetos de los Simios – Adam and the Ants [allenl]
36 – Can’t Con an Honest John – The Streets [barbara]
37 – Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner – Warren Zevon [barbara]
38 – Donald in the Bushes with a Bag of Glue – Ballboy [barbara]
39 – William, It Was Really Nothing – the Smiths [barbara]
40 – Our Retired Explorer (Dines With Michel Foucault in Paris, 1961) – the Weakerthans [barbara]
41 – Danny Boy – Hayley Westenra [j.d.]
42 – A Boozehound Named Barney – Maggie Roswell (as Sherry Bobbins) [j.d.]
43 – Alfie – Lily Allen [j.d.]
44 – Samson – Regina Spektor [j.d.]
45 – Hey Jude – Joe Anderson [j.d.]
46 – Stagger Lee – Nick Cave [bubs]
47 – Peter Gunn – Henry Mancini [bubs]
48 – Making Plans For Nigel – Nouvelle Vague [bubs]
49 – Jimmy Jazz – The Clash [bubs]
50 – A Boy Named Sue – Johnny Cash [bubs]
48 – Making Plans For Nigel – Nouvelle Vague [bubs]
49 – Jimmy Jazz – The Clash [bubs]
50 – A Boy Named Sue – Johnny Cash [bubs]

With the end of the Green Monkey Music Project, I know it’s more of a formality, but I would still like to congratulate the following people on attaining masterhood with this mix.

Bubs
J.D.
Lulu

Wear your Green Monkey Master Badge with pride!

Thanks also to Volume 10’s guest host, Beckeye!

gmmp

For All You Stats Junkies

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J.D. asked in a comment what the most frequent artist across the monkey mixes was.

It turned out to be a 3-way tie. Here they are.

Pixies – 5 songs
Velouria (ABC) [tim]
Planet of Sound (Speed It Up) [tim]
Holiday Song (Total Absorption) [barbara]
Cecilia Ann (Battle Of The Sexes) [lulu]
Debaser (Snotty) [bigshoulders]

Radiohead – 5 songs
Go To Sleep (ABC) [barbara]
A Reminder (Speed It Up) [tim]
Pyramid Song (Speed It Up) [tenaciouss]
Let Down (Total Absorption) [barbara]
Optimistic (What’s In A Word?) [splotchy]

The Clash – 5 songs
Jimmy Jazz (Battle Of The Sexes) [bubs]
London Calling (Geography Pop Quiz) [gizmorox]
Guns of Brixton (Snotty) [bigshoulders]
Brand New Cadillac (Speed It Up) [johnnyyen]
Clampdown (What’s In A Word?) [beth]

If any of you stats junkies want to run any other kinds of numbers, I’ve created a comma-delimited file (CSV) for you. It’s very easy to convert to a spreadsheet format (MS Excel, for example).

Knock yerself out, and let me know of any interesting findings.

GMMP Songs Data

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