Does This Post Seem Especially Sexy To You?
— because I am posting this on a Mac hooked up to my wireless network.
All it took was purchasing a new router, and daisy-chaining it off my old router/firewall/modem.
God Bless You Steve Jobs, and all your expensive peripherals!
I’d Like To Thank Whole Foods
I’d like to take a minute out of the day to thank the friendly folks at the Whole Foods that recently opened just down the block from where I work.
Thanks for the two parmigiano reggiano sample cubes I got yesterday. Deee-licious!
And thanks for the following samples I got today.
1. Small piece of fudge
2. A generous hunk of chocolate muffin
3. One fancy almond
4. A cracker with some sort of spread on it
5. A piece of chipotle bread dipped in olive oil
6. One more generous hunk of chocolate muffin
Thanks for offering the samples of raw pork sausage, but I decided to take a pass on it today.
See you soon!
Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction
René Descartes: “I thought I was.”
Unconnected Tuesdays
A forest fire
A hunk of fluorite
One Week Without A Coke
I have made it seven days without any kind of caffeinated beverage.
I noticed the cap to the last 20-oz Coke I imbibed sitting on my desk (no, I didn’t lick it, I didn’t talk to it, I didn’t kiss it).
To celebrate my sobriety, here are the codes found on the inside of the cap.
5TNL
PHXX
PAKR
I honestly don’t know what these codes represent. If you end up using them and win a whole bunch of money, please split it with me. I gots babies to feed!
Talk To The Drunken Severed Head
Hi, if you would like doing a favor for not only me, but for my adopted actor David Patrick Kelly as well, please leave a comment for a certain Drunken Severed Head here.
He was granted an interview with Mr. Kelly back in May (and has a pic to prove it!), but has yet to post it. I tried leaving a comment showing my enthusiasm for the yet-to-be-published interview, but was met with the cold sting of silence (though I believe I saw the head briefly poke around my blog after I left my comment).
The head, despite the fact it is drunk and severed, seems to be a most jovial and agreeable sort of appendage. I was hoping I could enlist your support in urging him to share the thoughts of David Patrick Kelly with the rest of the DPK-deprived blogosphere.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Gayest Video Ever
From the forthcoming Splotchy compendium, The Big Book Of Gay Videos:
Sting – Fortress Around Your Heart
If anyone wants to challenge me on this, please feel free to post your own nomination for the gayest video ever.
Oh, and you can’t choose Imagination’s “Just An Illusion” as it has already been posted here.
Snotty-Ass Rock ‘N Roll – Track Listing
Hi, just a few loose ends to tie up, and GMMP Volume 2, Snotty-Ass Rock ‘N Roll, will be available for download.
To tide you over, this is the track listing of the upcoming mix.
01 – Gogol Bordello- I Would Never Wanna Be Young [bigshoulders]
02 – The Ramones – Beat on the Brat [bigshoulders]
03 – PJ Harvey – Who the F*ck? [bigshoulders]
04 – Pixies – Debaser [bigshoulders]
05 – The Clash – Guns of Brixton [bigshoulders]
06 – Morphine – Sharks [bigshoulders]
07 – Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Rich [bigshoulders]
08 – Kaiser Chiefs – I Predict a Riot [bigshoulders]
09 – Ween – Piss Up A Rope [chris]
10 – Bobby Darin – Down With Love [chris]
11 – Descendents – Sour Grapes [chris]
12 – Etta James – Losers Weepers (pt. 1) [chris]
13 – Phil Ochs – Love Me, I’m A Liberal [chris]
14 – Rev. Horton Heat – Nurture My Pig! [chris]
15 – They Might Be Giants – Prevenge [chris]
16 – Ben Folds Five – Song For The Dumped [chris]
17 – Iggy Pop – Dog Food [bubs]
18 – Green Day – Platypus [bubs]
19 – Public Image Ltd. – Fodderstompf [bubs]
20 – Lou Reed – Dirt [bubs]
21 – The Cramps – People Ain’t No Good [bubs]
22 – Brian Eno – Baby’s On Fire [bubs]
23 – Sex Pistols – Pretty Vacant [bubs]
24 – X Ray Spex – Oh Bondage, Up Yours [bubs]
25 – Guns ‘N Roses – Welcome to the Jungle [flannery alden]
26 – Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit [flannery alden]
27 – Lily Allen – Smile [flannery alden]
28 – Alanis Morissette – You Outta Know [flannery alden]
29 – The Old Crow Medicine Show – Union Maid [flannery alden]
30 – Justin Timberlake – SexyBack [flannery alden]
31 – Destiny’s Child – Survivor [flannery alden]
32 – Oasis – Married With Children [flannery alden]
33 – Mekons – Memphis, Egypt [splotchy]
34 – Public Enemy – 911 Is A Joke [splotchy]
35 – Devo – (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction [splotchy]
36 – Beck – Truckdrivin’ Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat) [splotchy]
37 – The Doors – Peace Frog [splotchy]
38 – The Dictators – Two Tub Man [splotchy]
39 – Modern Lovers – Pablo Picasso [splotchy]
40 – The Jesus And Mary Chain – I Hate Rock ‘N Roll [splotchy]
BONUS TRACKS
I mentioned when providing my own snotty list, that there was a Butthole Surfers song that I wanted to include, but I thought people would find too offensive. bigshoulders remarked that he felt like he held back a little bit. Why are we holding back?! This is a snotty mix.
So, I asked each participant to provide a snotty song that they initially didn’t include because it was too damned snotty. Listener beware!
41 – Patti Smith Group – Rock N Roll Nigger [bigshoulders-extra snotty]
42 – Ween – Baby Bitch [chris-extra snotty]
43 – The Rotters – Sit On My Face Stevie Nicks [bubs-extra snotty]
44 – Violent Femmes – Add It Up [flannery alden-extra snotty]
45 – Butthole Surfers – 22 Going On 23 [splotchy-extra snotty]
When chris gets back from vacation, I’ll ask him for his extra snotty song. Shortly after, the songs should be available.
Food Plus Time Equals Comedy
Ok, I warned you that I had one more Illiois State Fair post to go along with my State Fair recap post, and now here it is.
When I was a lad growing up in Springfield, my family would go to the Illinois State Fair every year. My dad would usually drag us to a particular building that displayed lots of different foods that had been submitted for judging. Farmers would submit fruits and vegetables, people would bake pies and cakes, breads, etc. You would submit your food, it would be judged, and if you won your category I’m guessing you would get some sort of monetary prize.
Now, the fair runs 8 or 9 days. The food goes up for display in a building at the start of the fair, and stays there until the fair is over. My dad would prefer going the second weekend of the fair, when all the cakes, vegetables, etc., were in less than stellar condition. To put it bluntly, the food was rotting. This is just his sense of humor, which for the most part was passed down to me intact.
Now, in my childhood this building was not air-conditioned. If it was 90 degrees outside, it was pretty much the same temperature in the building. These days the building is air-conditioned, but still the ravages of time work their magic over the week that the food sits out.
I took pictures the first weekend of the fair, and asked my brother (who is down there this weekend) to take some pictures the second weekend.
Here are the results. Enjoy!
Carrots and Lettuce, before:
And after. Note the carrots are somewhat dessicated, the lettuce mottled.
Peppers before
Peppers after
Eggplants before
Eggplants after
Barbecue Bites before
And after
Pies before
After
Alien cake before
And after (no change)
Apparently after I left the fair, they had some sort of Spam cooking contest. Here are some of the entries. I’m assuming that they looked more appetizing when first displayed, though I can’t verify this.
Spam Something
More Spam
One last picture of a delectable Illinois State Fair entry. Who wants dip?
Thanks again to my brother for braving the putrid stench of rotten food to get these lovely pictures.