Today, I ask my coworker who offered to sell me Police tickets, “Did you sell those tickets for tonight’s show?”
“No.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to go down to Wrigley.”
“You’re going to see the show?”
“No, I’m going down to see if I can sell the tickets there.”
“Be careful. I’m sure the Police will be there.”
Purpose: Determine a band’s leader by analyzing one of their publicity photos.
Band: Styx
Genre: Fantasy Rock
Website: Styx World
The Verdict:
We Can Also Accept:
Band: Smashing Pumpkins (original lineup)
Genre: Wounded Rock
Website: smashingpumpkins.com
The Verdict:
To the anonymous piece of turd that put some redirect JavaScript on a comment that was a bitch and a half for me to remove, I say, may you and yours die a slow painful death by superintelligent spiders.
Now, I don’t allow anonymous comments.
Goddamn anonymous so-and-so’s.
IMAGINARY INTERVIEWER: First, thank you for taking the time to talk with me.
SPLOTCHY: Oh, my pleasure.
II: Why the self-referential post?
S: Well, I had just thought of it on the train ride into work this morning. I like the occasional non-sequitur post once in a while. For example, my all caps post went over well, I thought.
II: As of this interview, 14 comments.
S: Yeah. Better than all my arcade sound quizzes and answer posts combined.
II: Yes. Not very popular, were they?
S: No. Do you think you can provide links to the quizzes?
II: Sorry, I can’t. Let’s get back to the self-referential post. Were there any fears you had with regards to it? That you would alienate readers?
S: Yeah, I did have some fears, but not really related to alienating anyone. In all seriousness, I thought putting a link in a post that referred to the post itself might cause some sort of problem with the software that Blogger runs on.
II: Really?
S: Yeah, for a fleeting instant. But I guess we’re okay. The sky has not fallen.
II: Anything else you’d care to add?
S: Oh yeah, I forgot. There is actually another reason for my self-referential post. I’m all excited about my “Who’s In Charge Here?” posts, where I analyze the power dynamics of a band via one of their publicity photos.
II: Yes, I have seen it. It’s probably been done before, and better.
S: I don’t know anything about that. Anyway, I already have some choice photos of Styx and the Smashing Pumpkins lined up, but I don’t want to inundate my blog with-
II: One second… Yes? Yeah. I’ll pick him up at school today. No, I’m done. I’m done with the interview. No, it’s done. He’s just going on about something. Okay, bye. Sorry, please go on with whatever you were talking about.
S: Okay. So, I don’t want to overload my readers with my “Who’s In Charge Here?” posts that I am itching to get to, so I need to provide some posts in between them.
II: Filler, as it were?
S: Well, sort of. I’d like to think of the self-referential post as not being just filler, but also entertaining.
II: Is that what this interview is? Filler?
S: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayybe…….
II: THIS POST IS OVER!
This post is self-referential.
Well, I think I’m going to have quite a bit of fun with my Beast Of Berwyn choose your own adventure story.
I’ll be gradually fleshing out the story as people make different choices via the comments fields.
One thing that I’m intentionally doing is burying all new posts tied to this story in my archives, so they won’t be showing up as new posts, and become distracting to people who aren’t following the story, and I won’t give away plot points to people who are, etc.
The problem is, I’m not sure the mechanism I should use to alert people that the story has had some more parts added to it. I guess I’ll just see what works as time progresses.
Either way, I’m adding a permanent link on the right side of the blog, to go with my Character Actor Adoptions and Two Buck Schmuck links.
We’re proud to start yet another fine feature at this esteemed blog — Who’s In Charge Here?
The goal — ascertain a band’s leader by analyzing one of their publicity photos.
First up:
Band: The Number Twelve Looks Like You
Genre: Hardcore
Website:http://myspace.com/tntllu
The Verdict:
Hi, with this post (and without much prior thought), I so start a choose your own adventure story, The Beast Of Berwyn.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the characters herein and real persons living or otherwise is mostly coincidental.
So begins,
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
You, celebrated blogger Arny Crankowicz, sit in your well-furnished library, composing a post describing the efficacy of squirrel saliva in combatting paralysis in your celebrated blog, “No Blarney Arny”.
Suddenly, a woman’s shriek pierces the night, followed by three gunshots.
Do you…
I was reading some miscellaneous articles and posts about the Iraq War, then shortly after glanced at my gasoline post. Wow, I thought, what dick wrote that?
It just struck me as kind of obnoxious.
I post about lots of pointless things, and don’t have any problem doing so, and I know that many bloggers who write very savvy political commentary have no problem also posting risque pictures of Scarlett Johansson — which is perfectly fine, mind you, when occasionally supplemented with pictures of Carla Gugino, Thora Birch or Adrienne Barbeau (long live brunettes!).
But, posting a little “consumer annoyance” trifle about gasoline when the Iraq War drags on and on, it just seemed a little beyond the pale to me.
So, I’m sorry.
An update from Splotchy’s Orphanage for Underappreciated Actors ™:
We have encouraging news!
As of this writing, seventeen actors have been placed!
Many thanks to the families who have opened their hearts and their homes.
We have come so far, yet still have a long road to travel.
Here are but a few of our actors that still need to find a loving home.
