driving games

A Very, Very Stupid Driving Game

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Here’s a game that I came up with during a dull car ride years ago, when I was bored out of my skull.

My brother and I cackle like monkeys on nitrous oxide when we get on a roll with this game. For lack of better words, I’ll call this the Stupid Backwards Sign Reading Game.

RULES

Okay, here’s the game.

Read any signs you see backwards, pronouncing them how you think they would sound phonetically. So, if you saw a stop sign, you’d pronounce it as “Pots”. It’s a nice touch to speak as if your voice is being played backwards.

I like to read the signs from top to bottom, right to left. The right-to-left reading naturally feeds into the backwards reading and speaking. Trust me.

There really is no concept of winning in this game. It’s all about the fun and stupidity.

IDEAL CONFIGURATION
Games are best played in an urban setting, where there is a lot of signage.

To get a really good game going, the people playing should be passengers rather than driving the car, as it will take a lot of concentration.

Here’s the ideal configuration (assuming you have a four-seater car):

Note that the driver is perturbed, but not enough to end the game that the front and rear right passengers are enjoying. It’s nice to have the players on the same side of the car, so each can see what sign the other is attempting to read backwards.

And as for Mister Fussypants in the back left seat, who you’re driving insane with your dumbass backwards pronunciations and chuckling? Well, who gives a damn what he thinks, right?

SOME EXAMPLES:

Click here for a sample of how you would say this during the game.


Okay, that was easy. How about this one?
Click here for the sound.

Oh, so we’re getting cocky, are we? Try this, ya smartass:

Click here if you dare.

Happy Driving And/Or Gaming!

feelies, rock 'n roll

News of the Partial Feelies

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Thanks to Tim for sending me this article from the Village Voice.

Though we may be the lone strangers on this one, companionless contrarians careless of the compulsory crit-pick of Crazy Rhythms, likely the only thing writer Rick Moody and I have in common is our commitment of needle to the Feelies’ Good Earth vinyl over a thousand times apiece. Easy.

More…

It’s nice finding people in the wilderness who realize that The Good Earth is the best album ever made.

So, most of the Feelies will be playing at Maxwell’s in Hoboken, NJ, later this month, but former Feelies guitarist Bill Million won’t be there.

I again repeat a claim I made previously. If the fully-constituted Feelies play a reunion show at Maxwell’s, I’m gonna find some way to get there and enjoy it, by golly.

movies, two buck schmuck

Two Buck Schmuck Reviews Hot Fuz

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I had the following options at the lovely LaGrange Theater tonight — 300, Perfect Stranger and Hot Fuzz.

I am not seeing 300. Okay, maybe I’ll see 300. If, 300 days from now, 300 is still playing at the LaGrange, I’ll see it. Maybe. Unless something else is playing.

I felt really, really obligated to see Perfect Stranger. I mean, it’s a surefire crappy thriller starring Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. It’s PERFECT for a cheap movie that I would be able to ridicule into the dirt. I actually had intended to see it last week, but I was wiped out and ended up going to bed at 8pm.

Now, Hot Fuzz is a movie that I actually had wanted to see when it came out in the first-run theaters. According to the marquee of LaGrange’s Theater 1, the movie they were showing was “Hot Fuz”. Still, I thought there was a strong likelihood it was the same movie.

I enjoyed Shaun of the Dead quite a bit, and was looking forward to seeing Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s tribute to the cop buddy action movie.

So, I saw it. It wasn’t a straight parody of cop buddy movies, just as Shaun wasn’t a straight parody of zombie movies. Pegg and Wright clearly have an affection for these genres, and aren’t attempting to be snarky and condescending to them for the sake of a cheap laugh. Instead, I got a sense they were unironically professing their love, albeit still with a large dollop of some good-natured satire.

Pegg plays supercop Nick Angel, who gets sent to a remote English village by his superiors in London because he makes everyone look bad by his own stellar performance. Nick Frost (Pegg’s slob roommate buddy in Shaun of the Dead) plays a local, incompetent constable Danny Butterman who is obsessed with action movies.

I felt somewhat relieved that the main characters in this film were nothing like the slackers of Shaun. For some reason, it really bothered me how lazy and worthless those characters were (I imagine it was supposed to bother me).

A lot of heavy hitters were in this film. Cate Blanchett has an uncredited cameo as Nick Angel’s former girlfriend. She plays her only scene completely in a surgical mask. Still, that lady has some damn expressive eyes! Some other notable perforers — Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton, Edward Woodward, Bill Nighy, director Peter Jackson as a demented Santa Claus… Stephen Merchant and Martin Freeman of the UK series The Office also show up, as does Steve Coogan. Very, very nice cast.

I laughed aloud quite a bit at this movie, something I don’t do that often while watching a film, even when I find things funny.

Some of my favorite parts were relatively gruesome. A man gets his head pulverized by a falling piece of stone from a church roof, and walks around a bit with the rock in place of his head before collapsing. Timothy Dalton has an especially enjoyable comeuppance as his chin is impaled on a miniature replica of a church. Unlike a normal action movie where he would promptly die, he faintly whispers that his injury hurts very much.

Now, I don’t intend to see only good movies at the LaGrange, because if I did I’d haveta stop calling myself a schmuck.

So, I leave you one little tidbit to tantalize you.
This was the “Coming Soon….” poster in the LaGrange’s lobby:

YEAH!

cicadas

A Brief Thought About Cicadas

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How many technological advances have happened since the last brood of cicadas emerged seventeen years ago?

It’s strange how the Internet, this large 800 pound gorilla, somehow just sat down in our living rooms, our basements, our offices, without most of us even realizing it was making itself at home. It was gradual enough that it all seemed rather natural.

Now we take it for granted, and we communicate on a daily basis with people (many of whom we have never met), and possibly even post our stray thoughts for strangers to read.

I did a search on Usenet for the earliest post discussing cicadas and dug up one from 1990 in the alt.horror group:

Ecology of Alien(s)

What will the world be like the next time the cicadas emerge?

word fun

Splotchy’s Synonyms, Vol 2

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More words I’ll probably never use in a normal conversation. Previous entry here.

1. abscissa
Definition: the horizontal coordinate of a point in a plane Cartesian coordinate system obtained by measuring parallel to the x-axis
Why I Won’t Use It: This word is for abscissies.
What I’ll Use Instead: Nothing! By the way, if samuraifrog says he has used this word in a normal everday conversaion, I’m going to have to cook up a new “Math Talker” award for him.

2. Scaramangian
Definition: of or relating to James Bond villain Francisco Scaramanga; devilishly ruthless; having a third nipple
Why I Won’t Use It: It’s hard to pronounce.
What I’ll Use Instead: Blofeldish

3. eponymous
Definition: of, relating to, or being an eponym
Why I Won’t Use It: Unclear what it exactly means, even after looking it up. Also, I fear if I used this word I could be mistaken for a pretentious rock critic and brutally tackled to the ground.
What I’ll Use Instead: I have no idea.

4. eponym
Definition: one for whom or which something is or is believed to be named; a name (as of a drug or a disease) based on or derived from an eponym
Why I Won’t Use It: Unclear what it exactly means, even after looking it up. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
What I’ll Use Instead: Again, I have no idea.

5. fie
Definition: an interjection used to express disgust or disapproval
Why I Won’t Use It: I don’t work at Medieval Times.
What I’ll Use Instead: Eee-yawwwsh!

6. fisticuffs
Definition: a fight with the fists
Why I Won’t Use It: I dunno, I think I would just feel a little silly.
What I’ll Use Instead: fistfight

7. ostentatious
Definition: marked by or fond of conspicuous or vainglorious and sometimes pretentious display
Why I Won’t Use It: Using this word might make me appear ostentatious
What I’ll Use Instead: “Look at that person with a stick-up-the-butt”

8. pince-nez
Definition: eyeglasses clipped to the nose by a spring
Why I Won’t Use It: Because the French don’t support Our President!
What I’ll Use Instead: If this ever comes up, I suppose I could say “freedom nose spring-clipped glasses”

9. puerile
Definition: juvenile; childish; silly
Why I Won’t Use It: Too close to putrid.
What I’ll Use Instead: juvenile, childish, silly

10. gloam
Definition: twilight
Why I Won’t Use It: I dunno, I love this word. GLOAM GLOAM GLOAM.
What I’ll Use Instead: twilight

adopt-an-actor, david patrick kelly, movies

Adopt-An-Actor

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I call on the bloggers of the world to adopt an actor.

I would recommend you pick a character actor, as they are the unsung heroes of the entertainment world.

By adopting Character Actor X you are not expected to be an exhaustive resource on X, nor are you expected to have seen all movies in which X acted. No, none of that crap.

I would only ask that you promote the actor from time to time, and occasionally keep tabs on their progress (assuming he or she isn’t dead). If you want to do it up nice, make a l’il space on your blog where you can have a picture of them.

Now that we have that out of the way, if you’re thinking about adopting David Patrick Kelly, FORGET IT. I have adopted him.

David Patrick Kelly is the best part of a lot of movies that he has acted in. His first movie role was in The Warriors where he delivered the immortal line “Warriors, come out to play-ee-ay!”

Directors Walter Hill and Spike Lee cast Mr. Kelly on a regular basis.

He’s got this knack for being very natural, no matter how cheesy the lines he’s given, whether it’s in sorta silly sci-fi movie Dreamscape or the wonderful Ahnold movie Commando.

I had thought up until today that Mr. Kelly was the person who fired the gun that killed Brandon Lee during the filming of The Crow, but after doing a little bit of research it appears that it was another actor that pulled the trigger.

This makes me feel better.

This is the first post devoted to my adoptee, but not the last.

Go, David, Go!

jung vf fcybgpul?