First, there was Hooked On Classics…
Now “catch” the “excitement” in Hooked On Classics’ new series:
HOOKED ON AUDIOBOOKS
Thomas Friedman’s – The World Is Flat
Hear An Excerpt
Ann Coulter – Godless
Hear An Excerpt (warning – extremely funky)
F***in’ Profanity
In visiting various people’s sites ‘n blogs, the usage of profanity always sticks out at me.
Not in that I am offended by it, but I’m always interested in how people use it, particularly when they mask the word in some way.
I do this masking thing, too. Why do I do this? Maybe for the protection of the random 2nd grader that is browsing my latest love letter to Captain Beefheart, who’ll stumble upon an especially excited sentence of mine where I expound on the f***ing polyrhythm drum part.
Or, is it that the word itself looks too vulgar sitting right there staring at you?
How much mask is required? How much is too little, too much? If people know what you’re typing, even when you mask it, how is it any different?
I dunno, maybe it’s somehow the equivalent of Jon Stewart swearing on The Daily Show. You know what he’s saying, and he knows you know what he is saying, but somehow the “bleeped” presentation of the profanity is less blatant, and subdued, and maybe undercut a bit. He’s operating within some boundaries — it’s swearing with a wink and a nudge.
So, I present some mask examples, followed by some alternatives to masking.
Standard Meat ‘N Potatoes Masking
f*cking – No one is kidding anyone here.
f***ing – Hey, he could be saying “funning”.
Substitution
frigging
fecking
This isn’t very satisfying. Makes you sound like a chickensh*t.
Abbreviation
f’ing
Comes in handy sometimes. Occasionally works used in polite conversation.
Phonetic
phucking
I don’t know, something about it doesn’t work. It makes me think of ducks, and still seems like a vulgar word. If you can use this and make it work, I give respect to you.
Complete symbolic nonsense
@?#!?%!&*$%
I think of this as too reminiscent of comic books or Mad Magazine. It’s too confusing. You don’t know for sure what dirty word the person is trying to use.
Adventures in Fictional Marketing
A breakfast product I’d like to see.
Um, Tag, You’re It?
Seeing as the traffic to my blog is nearing a fever pitch, I thought I’d try and start one of them taggy things that meme all over the place.
I’m actually providing my own answers below to the questions. Hopefully that’s not impolite.
Here goes.
The questions:
What was the first recorded music you bought?
What was the last?
What was the first “professional” music show you ever went to?
What was the last?
What’s your “desert island” album?
What’s your favorite album/song title? (the *title* which is your fav, not the actual album or song)
What’s your favorite album art (include an image of it if you can)?
Ideal choice for a karaoke song?
Song you don’t like that WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR HEAD if you hear it.
Which is cooler? — Vinyl? CD? Cassette? 8-track?
My answers:
What was the first recorded music you bought?
The single of “Mr Roboto” from Styx.
What was the last?
A Tom Ze double-CD, containing the albums Todos Os Olhos and Se O Caso E Chorar
What was the first “professional” music show you ever went to?
I saw Harry Chapin at Sangamon State University in Springfield, IL when I was a kid, back in 1981. Months later, he died. Coincidence?!!
I think the first show I paid for myself was at the Assembly Hall in Champaign, IL, for R.E.M.’s Green tour.
What was the last?
I saw Os Mutantes (among other acts) at 2006’s Pitchfork Music Festival.
What’s your “desert island” album?
It changes from time to time, but right now it’s Moss Elixir by Robyn Hitchcock.
What’s your favorite album/song title?
I have two album titles that tie for first.
Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space — by the band Spiritualized (actually have never even heard this record, just like the title!)
Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On — by Funkadelic
What’s your favorite album art (include an image of it if you can)?
I’m going to have to go with Parliament on this one. On Motor Booty Affair, it might be on the picture disc only, there is this amazing picture of George Clinton dressed up in a cowboy outfit riding dolphins while listening to a boombox. Damn!
Ideal choice for a karaoke song?
I have done karaoke only once, and made the mistake of picking a song that was light on vocals. I know if I do it again it’ll be something off of Led Zeppelin IV. Prolly “Stairway To Heaven”. It’s wall-to-freaking-wall singing.
Song you don’t like that WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR HEAD if you hear it.
“Two Princes” by the Spin Doctors (“Just GO ahead now”)
The theme song for the kid’s show The Wonderpets (“What’s gonna work? Teeeeaaammwork!”)
Which is cooler? — Vinyl? CD? Cassette? 8-track?
Vinyl is cooler for the cover art. 8-track is cool for all the chunky clicks it makes when you switch tracks.
Okay, so I tag Bubs and Mizbubs. And you, dear reader. I tag you.
Let the wild stallion that is this meme run free.
Traffic Patterns and Emergent Behavior
Around twenty years ago my brother was living in Atlanta, Georgia, and while I was down there visiting him I was struck by how people drove differently there.
People drove at about 85 mph on the highways, which was a shock to me, at that time being used to a more calm 55 or 60 mph. Even stranger was how courteous everyone was — if you needed to switch lanes, you simply put on your turn signal, and without fail, you would be let in.
I was amazed that there seemed to be a set of internalized rules governing people’s driving habits, and that this was a localized phenonema.
Years later, I was driving in Chicago on a daily basis, growling at the countless driving a-holes would pass me on the right at a red light. Chicago was no Atlanta.
Well, now I have a label to put on this phenonema — emergent behavior. Apparently it’s all the rage now, what with the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY and all.
Here’s a nice article about emergent behavior and traffic patterns from the Boston Globe:
“THE FIELDS OF computer science and education suffered a blow on Dec. 5, when Seymour Papert, the 78-year-old cofounder of MIT’s Artificial Intelligence Lab, was struck by a motorbike in Hanoi. Papert, who had come to Hanoi for a conference on teaching math with computers, remained in a coma as of Friday.
Strangely, shortly before the accident, Papert had been discussing how to build a computer model of Hanoi’s notoriously chaotic traffic. He found it an interesting instance of a theme closely associated with his work: “emergent behavior,” or the way that large groups of agents following simple rules, with no central leader, can spontaneously create sophisticated systems and activities. Examples include schools of fish, anthills, bee swarms, and, apparently, Vietnamese motorbike drivers.”
It Was 25 Years Ago Today
This Day In Usenet History: April 9, 1982
(according to a Google Groups search)
It was all in place, folks, lo those many moons ago.
UNIX, Deadheads and Leprechauns.
Negative gold
Group: net.games.rogue
First off , my thanks to Ken et.al. for providing us with 5.2. I have but one flame. It seems that a lot of the gold at lower levels, particularly any dropped by Leprechauns, 1. produces no message …
thoughts on a vi quiz
Group: fa.editor-p
From sdcsvax!draper@NPRDC Fri Apr 9 11:28:29 1982 Here are some comments on issues underlying Bill Mitchell’s recent quiz on vi – issues that are sort of obvious but perhaps would benefit from being raised explicitly. …
An APL quiz question
Group: net.lang.apl
The problem (changing a vector to a matrix with rows as separate words) is well-known. One solution appears in “APL: An Interactive Approach” by Gilman & Rose. Still another appears in APL News, V. 2 No. 1 (1977) in the APL Play column. …
Apr 9 1982 by G:shal… – 2 messages – 2 authors
A UNIX APL
Group: net.lang.apl
In reply to ihuxi!otto, I have used the APL here at Purdue EE, and it seems fairly good. The number quoted for concurrent users is a bit low. I have run APL while 45 other users were running APL …
Apr 9 1982 by pur-ee… – 1 message – 1 author
More on ASCII APL
Group: net.lang.apl
I do not see that the problem mentioned by ihuxi!otto is a serious one, except for a special case that I will mention. First, each APL character is a single entity, even if it is formed on a conventional …
Apr 9 1982 by rabbit!… – 2 messages – 2 authors
Run VMS Binaries
Group: net.general
I should have known … I could only be a matter of time … I have a request for a method to run VMS binaries under 4.1BSD UNIX. Has anyone already done this, or even currently working on it? How about tried it and failed? …
Apr 9 1982 by pur-ee!mah… – 1 message – 1 author
Quiz time
Group: net.lang.apl
A solution to this problem was given by Michael Halpern in his IBM technical report “Algebra, Scan, and Permutations”. I would be glad to mail copies of his functions to interested parties. /Jeff …
Apr 9 1982 by G:shal… – 2 messages – 2 authors
single elements vs. scalars
Group: net.lang.apl
In regards to Ned Horvath’s comments of april 7. I don’t know of any primative scalar function that does not distinguise between scalars and degenerate, one element, higher order arrays. Anyone care to find one? charles honton (CWRU)
Apr 9 1982 by cwruecmp!hon… – 1 message – 1 author
Dead Heads
Group: net.music
I’m new to the net; is net.music where music lovers of the One True Religion hang out? If not, then where?
Apr 9 1982 by G:w… – 1 message – 1 author
Whats a paradox?
Group: net.math
A very small clinic, of course. Sorry, I’ve been waiting years to use that joke in public. If you think I’m going to sign this…..
Apr 9 1982 by eagle… – 2 messages – 2 authors
Oh Mickey, Heavy Mickey
Okay, okay, I’ll admit it. I bought the single “Mickey” by Toni Basil on 45 when it came out. Throw me in hipster jail.
But, one very nice thing came out of it. I had a habit of playing around with the speeds of the records I would play. And, lemme tell you, this single sounds absolutely kickass slowed down to 33 1/3. The drums are heavy. I mean, HEAVY.
And the song takes on this very intense homoerotic undercurrent. “I’ll take it like a man” indeed!
It’s really another song entirely, and I now present it to you, for being so special.
Enjoy!
Cynomolgus Monkey
From time to time I’ll look up a word online – sometimes for the definition, the spelling, the pronunciation — or, occasionally, when I just want to hear an official-sounding reading of the word “ballsy”.
Here’s some sound files I saved off for some unknown reason, which I’ll share with you now.
01. ballsy
02. chomp
03. cretin
04. crunchy
05. cynomolgus monkey
06. dickey
07. exeunt
08. finagle
09. foosball – The guy is really having fun with this one.
10. garbanzo
11. homunculus – Ah, one of my favorite words. Unfortunately, it is difficult to drop in casual conversation.
12. party pooper – I would have put the emphasis on ‘party’ rather than ‘pooper’, but that’s just me.
13. peanut
14. prima ballerina
15. sangroid
16. stanch
17. supine
18. undulate
19. Uranus (“You’re in us”)
20. Uranus (“Your anus”)
If you work in an office setting:
1. Save off a whole bunch of these kinds of sound files
2. Turn up your computer speakers
3. Pop the files into your favorite music player
4. Hit shuffle/repeat
5. Take an early lunch
Warning: This may result in early termination or a solid pummeling.
As you may be already aware, there are people who take these online sound pronunciation files to the next level.
Visit Dictionaraoke.org to see people who string together these sound files into vocals for covers of their favorite pop songs.
Now you too can know what “Rock the Casbah” sounds like if crooned by a group of dweeby dictionary pronouncers.
Songs To Sing In A Crowded Elevator
Okay, to be more precise, snippets of songs to sing in an elevator. I’m not talking about singing a whole entire song in an elevator.
Oh, heavens no. I’m talking about blurting out a line or two from a song to briefly entertain the passengers. Sadly, Aerosmith’s “Love In An Elevator” did not make the cut, though I realize the appropriateness of it and all.
Without further ado, I present tiny sound samples of the song snippets I would sing…
1. “How you gonna get the money?!!”
The White Stripes, “Hello Operator” from their album De Stijl
Pretty much any single line in this song would work, but I’m partial to this one, as it poses a question to your fellow riders. How, indeed, *are* you gonna get the money?
2. “See Chameleon, lying there, in the sun!”
Slade, “Run Runaway” from their album Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply
Again, you’re attempting to attract the attention of your fellow riders. See it? See the chameleon? See it lying there, in the sun?
3. “Dead .. Beat .. Club!!”
The B-52’s, “Deadbeat Club” from their album Cosmic Thing
Honestly, pretty much any Fred Schneider vocal would be fine to use. I just happen to be partial to this one.
4. “The Thousandth And Tenth Day Of The Human Totem Pole”
Captain Beefheart, “The Thousandth And Tenth Day Of The Human Totem Pole” from Ice Cream For Crow
This is a nice one to spook people out with.
5. “TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMME!”
The Pixies, “Tame” from their album Doolittle
I don’t think I have the cojones to sing this in an elevator, but I give respect to anyone who does.
6. “Everybody’s crazy, even MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
The Method Actors, “Halloween” from their album Little Figures
I could make this vocal line my cell phone ringtone I love it so much. Singing this will, similarly to 4 and 5, make people a little uncomfortable.
7. “Pussy pussy pussy marijuana!”
Brazilian Girls, “Pussy” from their album Brazilian Girls
If you sing this happily enough, everyone will smile and wish you to have a nice day.
8. “Has anybody seen the BRIIIDGE?!”
Led Zeppelin, “The Crunge” from their album Houses of the Holy
Without a doubt the worst single vocal line Robert Plant has ever produced. Singing this line will make everyone think you are a crack addict looking for a quick, easy way out of your hellish life.
9. “[Now] Tell the truth.”
Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Sweet Home Alabama” from their album Second Helping
Probably the least likely song bit I would sing in an elevator, unless someone happened to say the magic line “Does your conscience bother you?” I know they don’t say, “Now” in the line from the song but I can’t help it, dammit.
10. “The Longest Time”
Billy Joel, “The Longest Time”, from his album An Innocent Man
This, this, my friend, this is where you can prove your worth as a public singer. Start singing, and then point to other people in the elevator to join in with you. Extra points if you can get somebody to do the falsetto part. This is the Holy Grail of elevator singing, so go get it.
Coyote Now Free As Bird
Just so you don’t worry too much about l’il buddy…
Again, from the Chicago Sun Times:
April 5, 2007
“Sandwich lovers beware — the most famous non-cartoon coyote in America is back on the loose.
Adrian, the lost coyote that wandered into a Loop Quiznos sandwich shop Tuesday and settled into its bottled drink cooler for 45 minutes, was released in northwest suburban Barrington Hills Wednesday.
The little guy didn’t waste much time getting out of his cage, although his getaway was not exactly flawless.”