Songs To Sing In A Crowded Elevator

Okay, to be more precise, snippets of songs to sing in an elevator. I’m not talking about singing a whole entire song in an elevator.

Oh, heavens no. I’m talking about blurting out a line or two from a song to briefly entertain the passengers. Sadly, Aerosmith’s “Love In An Elevator” did not make the cut, though I realize the appropriateness of it and all.

Without further ado, I present tiny sound samples of the song snippets I would sing…

1. “How you gonna get the money?!!”
The White Stripes, “Hello Operator” from their album De Stijl
Pretty much any single line in this song would work, but I’m partial to this one, as it poses a question to your fellow riders. How, indeed, *are* you gonna get the money?

2. “See Chameleon, lying there, in the sun!”
Slade, “Run Runaway” from their album Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply
Again, you’re attempting to attract the attention of your fellow riders. See it? See the chameleon? See it lying there, in the sun?

3. “Dead .. Beat .. Club!!”
The B-52’s, “Deadbeat Club” from their album Cosmic Thing
Honestly, pretty much any Fred Schneider vocal would be fine to use. I just happen to be partial to this one.

4. “The Thousandth And Tenth Day Of The Human Totem Pole”
Captain Beefheart, “The Thousandth And Tenth Day Of The Human Totem Pole” from Ice Cream For Crow
This is a nice one to spook people out with.

5. “TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMME!”
The Pixies, “Tame” from their album Doolittle
I don’t think I have the cojones to sing this in an elevator, but I give respect to anyone who does.

6. “Everybody’s crazy, even MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
The Method Actors, “Halloween” from their album Little Figures
I could make this vocal line my cell phone ringtone I love it so much. Singing this will, similarly to 4 and 5, make people a little uncomfortable.

7. “Pussy pussy pussy marijuana!”
Brazilian Girls, “Pussy” from their album Brazilian Girls
If you sing this happily enough, everyone will smile and wish you to have a nice day.

8. “Has anybody seen the BRIIIDGE?!”
Led Zeppelin, “The Crunge” from their album Houses of the Holy
Without a doubt the worst single vocal line Robert Plant has ever produced. Singing this line will make everyone think you are a crack addict looking for a quick, easy way out of your hellish life.

9. “[Now] Tell the truth.”
Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Sweet Home Alabama” from their album Second Helping
Probably the least likely song bit I would sing in an elevator, unless someone happened to say the magic line “Does your conscience bother you?” I know they don’t say, “Now” in the line from the song but I can’t help it, dammit.

10. “The Longest Time”
Billy Joel, “The Longest Time”, from his album An Innocent Man
This, this, my friend, this is where you can prove your worth as a public singer. Start singing, and then point to other people in the elevator to join in with you. Extra points if you can get somebody to do the falsetto part. This is the Holy Grail of elevator singing, so go get it.

Coyote Now Free As Bird


Just so you don’t worry too much about l’il buddy…

Again, from the Chicago Sun Times:

April 5, 2007

“Sandwich lovers beware — the most famous non-cartoon coyote in America is back on the loose.

Adrian, the lost coyote that wandered into a Loop Quiznos sandwich shop Tuesday and settled into its bottled drink cooler for 45 minutes, was released in northwest suburban Barrington Hills Wednesday.

The little guy didn’t waste much time getting out of his cage, although his getaway was not exactly flawless.”

More

Loop Coyotes Love Quiznos!

From the Chicago Sun Times

“So a coyote walks into a Quiznos . . .

Sounds like the start of a joke.

It’s not — although dozens of downtown folks got a good laugh out of it Tuesday.

A male coyote really did wander into the Quiznos sandwich shop at Wabash and Adams — in the Loop! — just before 2 p.m. Tuesday. Workers had propped open the front door for the warm afternoon, and in sauntered the roughly 30-pound, 18-month-old wild animal.”

More…

If You Needed Another Reason To Like The Watchmen

Occasionally, I’ll get a minor epiphany, where I’ll realize a cool facet about something (usually music/movies/pop culture stuff) that to my knowledge has not been remarked on by someone. So, here’s a first post trying to convey my geeky excitement about one of these occasions. Hopefully you get at least 1/3 the pleasure from it as I did.

First of all, if you haven’t read the Watchmen, read it.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, a little background. I used to be big with the comic book collecting and reading, mostly of the superhero variety. I was more into Marvel stuff, Spider-Man mostly.

I stopped collecting comix in the mid-80’s. The last comics I bought were a DC mini-series by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons called the Watchmen, which pretty made every other superhero comic look like a big pile of superpoo. The comic is incredibly dense, with many, many references, puns, intricate storylines, all that stuff. It’s an impressive piece of work.

Anyways, I had a hankering to reread it again recently, and didn’t have the original comics on hand. I was able to obtain a digital copy of it (basically a zipped-up file of jpegs) and in quickly flipping through the images suddenly realized something I had never noticed when I was reading the actual comic.

There is this part where Dr. Manhattan, a very powerful superhero, has his sense of time all messed up, and he starts acting a little goofy as if he is not in complete control of his own actions. So, by flipping through the digitized images of the comic I noticed that in two consecutive pages the artwork is completely different except for two images of Dr. Manhattan, which remain completely still…

This is something I doubt I would never have noticed had I not viewed the comic digitally. For God’s Sakes, look at Dr. Manhattan’s word balloons in the second detail. Even those are in the same position!

Once again I geekily bow to the feet of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.

A Face In The Crowd

I recently saw Elia Kazan’s 1957 film A Face In The Crowd, starring Andy Griffith as a drunk in a county jail, who through a variety of circumstances quickly rises to a position of power, predominantly through his charismatic behavior on radio and television.

It was the first time I had seen the film, and it had a lot of interesting echoes given the current situation the world is in. I’d recommend you see it if you haven’t, and see it again if it’s been a while.

I thought the movie was very well-made. Andy Griffith had a great scenery-chewing role, and Walter Matthau gave a nice early career performance.

The film had a pretty strong political message, which I took it to be mostly an apprehension to the new media (television) coming down the pike, and how it could be used by a common rube to sway the masses of common American rubes and possibly ruin our country.

I know a little about the politics of director Elia Kazan — he considered himself liberal, but testified and named names in the HUAC hearings in the 50’s. This film –and don’t get me wrong, I liked it — seemed really threatened about the rise of some form of populism, that could spread virulently through the airwaves of television and radio.

This kind of grassroots populism never really took root, at least via the medium of television. The best example I can think of this is when Ross Perot spent millions of his own money booking airtime to show us pie charts. People were excited, but then it just sort of fell apart. What’s wrong with being excited? Isn’t it offensive to paint the involvement of everyday Americans as a threat, or something to be ridiculed?

From time to time I’ve seen the mainstream media belittle the involvement of the American people. I remember seeing a puff piece on the NBC news where it showed everyday Americans running for President. Tom Brokaw chuckled at the audacity of American citizens attempting to run for office. Don’t they know how the political process works?

Now, decades later, people are somewhat empowered by the rise of the Internet. I don’t want to paint an overly romantic picture about it, but there seem to be more options and a give-and-take, perhaps the faintest whiff of a new populism.

One thing that the film sort of glosses over, or doesn’t make much of, is that Andy Griffith’s character is being shaped by various people in power in order to further their own agenda. I remember reading a while back about how neocon George Schultz convinced Dubya to run for President. The two situations seem very similar, except for the fact that Dubya’s charisma seems a little forced and manufactured. For me, this is the big threat — unaccountable people pushing chess pieces on a board, outside the realm of a democracy. But, for Kazan, it’s the rubes.

Bees and Band Names

In case you weren’t aware, honey bees have been disappearing rapidly in the last year or so:

Colony Collapse Disorder [wikipedia.org]

Of course, the first thing that sprung to my mind was how “Colony Collapse Disorder” sounded like an indie or hardcore band name.

Here’s a few more bandnames, along with what I imagine they sound like:

Massive Bee Death
..sounds like..
The Rollins Band OR 10,000 Maniacs

No More Honey
..sounds like..
The Stranglers

Where Are The Honey Bees?
..sounds like..
Belle and Sebastian

Shopping and stranded during a Zombie Apocalypse


So apparently to begin blogging one must actually do an initial post. So, here it is.

I was getting a sandwich at a local megachain grocery store with a coworker a while back, and I, for some reason, posed a “Dawn of the Dead”-inspired question:

If you were stuck in this grocery store for the rest of your natural life (and assuming your natural life would continue for several decades), would you be able to subsist solely on things within the store?

My friend indicated most definitely, and basically was able to convince me, though a nagging doubt still is in the back of my mind about it.

Now I find myself going through a mental exercise when going shopping (something I don’t really enjoy that much). If the world went all zombie very, very quickly, and I chose this store I was purchasing my Cheetos in to be my last stand, how long would I last? How long would I last in a Walgreen’s? Six weeks? Six months?

This mental exercise doesn’t need to be limited to stores having food. Imagine you’re stuck in a Dress Barn — what could you convert to weapons to hunt animals and kill zombies? The possibilities are endless! This might give you Scrooges some enjoyment on your next reluctant Xmas or Birthday shopping excursion.

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 3

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You cross your arms and legs, trying your best not to disturb Enos, the alligator.

Enos spots the bag of nuts under your thigh. He gently nuzzles you.

He nibbles at you playfully.

The nibbling turns into biting.

Your left leg is now gone.

As you lose consciousness, you hear Bubs moan, “Aw, EEEEEeeeeenos. Come on!”

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 4

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, I can’t talk right now. I’ll come over later.”

“Okay, Arny.” Bill walks away.

You dash to the phone.

“Hello? Police? I have a dead body at my house. Thank you. Buh-bye.”

Minutes later an unmarked police car arrives.

A large, burly man dressed as a mime steps out.

“Sir, my name is Sergeant Andy. Please come with me to the station.”

You slide into the back seat, suddenly realizing you are sitting, once more, face-to-face with another alligator.

“Say hi to Enos,” Andy says.

“I know Enos. Enos is dead. I watched him die.”

“Hey, that quote is from Batman Begins!” Andy shouts. The alligator, startled, latches onto your head and rips it off in a jerking motion.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 5

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, I have a situation.”

“What is it? Holy carp! Dead clown! Dead cop clown!”

“What should we do? I don’t want to go to jail!” you cry.

“Calm down, Arny. Let’s think about our options.”

Several moments of silence pass.

“Arny, first things first. Let’s hide the body. Then we can think straight.”

“Where? In the basement?”

“No, not the basement. That’s the first place they look. Believe me.”

Bill taps his lips with his finger. His bathrobe is still unsettlingly open. “Let’s stuff the clown in the oven!” he exclaims.

“Before we do anything, I have to check my blog,” you say. “It’s been almost a day since I’ve been on.”

You rush to your study. Your laptop has been rendered inoperable by a bullet hole.

Do you…

1) Ask Bill to hide the body while you get your spare laptop from the basement
2) Ask Bill to get your spare laptop while you hide the body

jung vf fcybgpul?