the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You muster up all your faculties of lying into a single knot in the back of your throat.

“She’s my lady friend. She’s been having a bad time, but she’s going to get better. Please go easy on her.”

“Why was she discharging her weapon at you?” Bubs asks.

“She wasn’t shooting at me,” you plead. “I wasn’t even outside when the gunshots started. She was probably aiming at squirrels. She hates squirrels.”

Bubs scratches his chin, causing some greasepaint to flake off onto his desk. “Hmm. Maybe she wasn’t aiming for you. Maybe she was aiming for your neighbor, Mr. Floppy.”

Bubs leans back in his chair.

“Either way, your prior knowledge of the ay-LEGED crazy lady means I am going to have to get a statement from you. This may take an unnecessarily long while…”

HOURS (AND MANY LIES) LATER…

You are exhausted. Bubs shows no signs of slowing. He begins making a series of animal balloons, placing them strategically on his desk.

Do you…

1) Ask to speak with crazy lady
2) Ask for a lift home

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You slowly walk behind Officer Bubs.

In one fluid motion, Bubs scoops up Crazy Lady and slings her over his shoulder.

He opens the passenger door of his squad car and drops her in.

“You ride in back.”

He opens the door. As you slide into the back seat, you realize the car has another backseat passenger — a medium-sized alligator on a leash.

Bubs shuts the door, jumps into the driver seat and revs the engine. “Mr. Crankowicz, meet Enos, the Captain’s alligator. Enos, meet Mr. Crankowicz, a fancypants blogger.”

Bubs peels out and rockets down the street.

Looking straight ahead, Bubs drawls, “We’re just a couple minutes away from the station. Hey, Enos is probably getting a little hungry. There should be a package of nuts on the seat next to you. Feed him a couple, wouldja?”

Do you…

1) Feed Enos some nuts
2) Sit quietly, arms and legs crossed

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

With your last ounce of strength, your hand reaches the gun.

“Funny thing, a gun,” Bill whispers. “It only worksssssss when you can fire it.”

A tentacle twists around your neck and the world goes dark.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

“Bubs, I need to do this on my own.”

“Suit yourself.” Bubs walks off.

You walk to the bus stop and wait.
And wait.
And wait.

Your bus finally comes rolling around. It is now 9:30pm.

When were you supposed to meet Bill? Oh, right. EIGHT O’CLOCK.

Well, at least you’re alive, for what that’s worth.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You quickly run to the phone and dial the police again.

“Hello,” you whisper. “I really, really need someone from the police here. Right… now..”

“Okay, we’ll send another car, sir. By the way, Mr. Crankowicz, we’re all big fans of your blog down here at the station.”

“Thank you very much.”

You hang up.

More knocking at the door. “HEEELLLLO? Hello hello hello? HEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lo? He-he-he-he-he-he-lo? Hiya-hiya-hiya-hiya-hiya-hiya?”

You peek through the peephole again. Officer Bubs slowly walks away from your house to his waiting police car, whistling a sinister tune.

Another police car barrels around the corner, lights flashing. The car barely misses Bubs as it jumps over the curb, onto your lawn and crashes through your foyer, pinning you up against the wall.

As you begin to lose consciousness, you see an angry clown hit his steering wheel. “STUPID CLOWN SHOES!” he yells, as everything goes dark.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Okay, I’m done,” Bubs says. “I want to show you something.”

You look at him. Bubs points to your laptop. “Friday Random 10. Look at all the Lou Reed.”

“Impressive,” you say.

“I have something else to show you. Follow me.”

You wearily follow Bubs out of your house.

“I saw your neighbor Mr. Floppy hightail it out of here. He left something behind.”

Bubs points to a pink strand on the grass.

“What is it?” you ask.

“Well,” he says, “if my fine arts education and lifelong appreciation of hillbilly music has taught me anything, that there is a jellyfish tentacle. But not just *any* kind of jellyfish tentacle. A werejellyfish tentacle.”

“Bill!” you gasp.

You are startled by the faint ring of your phone.

You hurry in and pick it up.

“Arny,” Bill whispers.

“Bill, why-“

“Can it, Crankowicz! If you want to see Simone alive again…”

“Who?”

“The crazy lady who was shooting at me.”

“Oh.”

“If you want to see Crazy Lady again, meet me at the water treatment plant at 8:00pm tonight. Come alone! [CLICK]”

“He says he’s got Crazy Lady, Bubs. Isn’t she still in jail?”

Bubs looks sheepishly at you. “We let her go. We needed the cell for a couple of weenie wavers.”

“Eww,” you reply.

Do you…

1) Ask Bubs for help
2) Go it alone

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, I can’t talk right now. I’ll come by later.”

“Okay.” Bill walks away.

You drag the body to the basement door.

Seriously? You’re going to try and do this yourself? Really?

Okay.

You break your neck trying to drag Officer Bozo down the stairs.

Happy?

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Is the Crazy Lady okay?” you ask.

“She’s up now, but she’s groggy,” Bubs drawls.

“Can I speak with her please?”

“Well, it goes against all rules and regulations and common sense, but seeing as I am dressed like a clown, okay.”

Bubs guides you to the holding cell. Crazy Lady has numerous bullet welts on her forehead, but other than that, looks quite classy.

“Bubs, can we have some privacy, please?” you ask.

“Of course. How rude of me.” Bubs walks off.

Crazy Lady looks at you uneasily. You flinch under her gaze.

“Crazy Lady, what –“

Crazy Lady gives you a look both groggy and perturbed. “My name is Simone.”

“Simone– I was there, I was outside when you were screaming and firing a gun. What happened?”

“I-I—I don’t really remember. I was on a date with William… Sherwin… First date… He’s an actor. He was on Mr. Belvedere as a child. He has also done stage work, as well as some extra work on the movie–“

“Yes, yes, I am aware of his work. He’s my neighbor. What happened?”

“I don’t remember. I just remember smelling the sea. And being afraid of it.”

Bubs walks up to you. “C’mon, Mr. Fancypants. I’ll drive you home. Say goodbye to the crazy lady.”

As the squad car drops you off, the sun peeks up on the horizon.

You wave at your neighbor Bill, out in his front yard, picking up his morning paper.

“‘Morning!” Bill says. He returns your wave, oblivious to the fact that his bathrobe slips open.

“‘Morning.”

You reach for your front door and realize it is standing a few inches open. As you warily enter your house, you notice a large pair of clown shoes sticking straight up in the air.

It is another clown cop, but this one is dead!

You hear Bill’s voice over your shoulder. “Say, how about that crazy night, huh?”

Do you…

1) Ask Bill for help
2) Call the police
3) Hide the body in the basement

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

Gunshots! Screaming!

You quickly save the draft of your squirrel saliva diatribe, and slide out of your den and into your fuzzy bunny slippers, muscles tensed like an industrial-grade spring.

You cautiously open your front door and slip into the dark night.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Muzzle flashes briefly illuminate the surroundings. A ravishing woman stands less than twenty feet from you, mouth agape. After the last muzzle flash, everything goes dark.

“Are you alright?” Another voice, closer to you! You can dimly make out a figure. It is your neighbor, Bill Sherwin, in a loosely-fitting bathrobe that leaves nothing to the imagination.

The woman screams, “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

BANG!

You gasp. You feel your shirt wetten and look down. A gunshot wound pumps out blood onto your lawn. You drop to the ground.

As what consciousness you have left sputters into nothingness, a police car pulls up, and a sinister-looking clown gets out.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You quickly make your way to the basement door.

As you trot down the stairs, you realize that months and months of blogging have strengthened your mind but have weakened your knees.

Your feet slip out from under you and you fall forward.

Your neck snaps as it hits the bottom of the stairs.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!