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ASK A BLOG POST, WHY DON’T YOU?

21 Comments

Put your question(s) in the comments, and the blog post shall answer.

Rose asks:
Aside from punishment to humankind, why are there mosquitoes?

A: To provide human beings with a philosophical discussion as an icebreaker in bars.

okjimm asks:
What wood would Tiger Woods chuck if Tiger Woods chucked his woods?

A: 2, and please don’t talk about chucking woods. This is a family blog.

Doc asks:
What is a Brazilian wax and why would someone want to smear wax on a Brazilian? Why not a Panamanian? Or a Cuban?

A: Brazilian wax is sought after by many discerning record collectors (preferably 180 gram vinyl). You should never smear the wax, but store it in plastic sleeves in a temperature-controlled room with average humidity.

Doc asks:
Can you name two paradoxes?

A: The fact that doxes only come in pairs is itself a paradox, and when this is sentence is multipled by two (as it must be to satisfy the definition of paradox’s criteria) creates two paradoxes. It is impossible to name anything less than two paradoxes.

Doc asks:
Why is a “panhandler” a bum or hobo and not a chef or a dishwasher?

A: Doesn’t everyone know this already? “Panhandlers” are the people that handle your food and dish-cleaning. Chefs and dishwashers serve in strictly supervisory positions. It is the panhandlers that are the grimy core of the culinary arts.

Doc asks:
What are the three worst cliche’s?

A: For this, look no further than the films of Joel Schumacher.

Doc asks:
How do you handle a hungry man?

A: Get a Panhandler (see above)

Doc asks:
I suffer from erectile dysfunction, meaning I have trouble getting up in the morning. Any suggestions?

A: Nope, no suggestions here. Good luck with that.

Doc asks:
Name three of your favorite wastes of time besides blogging.

A: 1) Drawing mustaches on Kate Bush pictures 2) Removing mustaches from Adolph Hitler pictures 3) Writing fan fiction about Kate Bush destroying the Nazis with the power of her music (I’m calling it Vainglorious Bushterds)

Doc asks:
Would George Washington have used a wire brush to clean his wooden teeth?

A: Nope. Ivory. Would we expect any less from our first president?

Doc asks:
Say I won the lottery. What would be the best way to blow the money? Beer and hookers or the stock market?

A: I don’t understand the question. I thought the stock market was underpinned by hookers and beer.

Doc asks:
Sorry. I was just riffing there for a moment.

A: This is not a question.

Randal Graves:
How does one riff like Doc without a guitar?

A: Typing quickly and repeatedly hitting the “Submit” button is a good start.

Jin:
Haahaa!!! Bravo gentlemen. No topping all that so I’ll just await the answers.
😉

A: Will you await the answers? (yes, you will). Note that I have inserted a question for you and answered it.

Nathan:
I know why the chicken crossed the road, but why did he cross back again after that?

A: You have to provide more information. There are lots of chickens crossing the road, with their own peculiar reasons. I can’t give you any info until I am sure we are speaking of the same chicken.

Freida Bee:
Why are we here?

A: Hm, didn’t another blog post address this existential question? This blog post does not do other blog post’s questions.

name that face

Name That Face, Round 3: Name That Face With A Vengeance

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UPDATE: Bumped to the top, because why the hell not?

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Round 3 of Name That Face is underway!

Once again, the idea of the game — your goal is to be the first to identify the face in the photo. Sometimes there will be bonus points given for additional information.

To play this game, just start following Name That Face on the Twitter (you’ll of course have to get a Twitter account).

I’ll keep a running tally of everyone’s scores, and store it on this post.

Here is the first picture of Round 3:

I am giving an extra point if you tell me what movie this still is from.

Remember, don’t name the face here. Name it in a reply to my NameThatFace account on the Twitter.

RUNNING TALLY:
ROUND 3 HAS ENDED.

@wolfsothern – 81 points
@glitterlips24k – 55 points
@WadetoBlack – 53 points
@minicorrect – 30 points
@pie_maker – 27 points
@dpressman – 24 points
@Nyen_van_Toc – 22 points
@stevesaragossi – 21 points
@SnapTheJap – 17 points
@Goose – 16 points
@AndeeD – 14 points
@pdoubleg – 10 points
@Dhppy – 8 points
@pickleops – 7 points
@Janie16 – 7 points
@PaplooThePirate – 6 points
@johndstearns – 4 points
@jeffkeyz – 3 points
@indieabby88 – 3 points
@DavidSeligman – 3 points
@ajonathancox – 3 points
@MiggyErbs – 3 points
@debenham – 2 points
@weepydonuts – 2 points
@ranielle – 2 points
@jaycee419 – 2 points
@TheFakePico – 1 point
@CathyofTO – 1 point
@glands – 1 point
@NEC_Chicken – 1 point
@bondfool – 1 point
@chipcityls – 1 point
@addiecharlotte – 1 point
@LetsJustDance_1 – 1 point
@unsupervised – 1 point

a peek into the exciting life of splotchy, drinking

A Bar Game For The Solitary Drinker

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I don’t really go to the bars that much. It’s great that people don’t smoke in them in Illinois any more, but I still don’t like them. I don’t really drink alcohol too much either (cakey chocolate treats are my primary vice), just the occasional beer now and then.

However, every once in a while I can go for a beer. I went out for a walk a few nights ago and decided to have a beer in the middle of it. There’s a bar about a mile from my house, which makes it a nice halfway point (Irish Times, if you must know).

Anyways, the few times I have popped in for a midwalk beer, I have had a relatively good time. I’ve heard some nice music, struck up a conversation with someone sitting next to me, etc.

This last time I was relaxing for a few minutes at Irish Times. I was witness to a conversation where this girl would not stop talking. It was amazing to me that so many words could be strung together that say so little. I do know this:

A) She is moving
B) She’s tough, and wouldn’t ask a guy to help her move, unless there was a couch involved
C) She has a rainbow comforter
D) She has a lot of body pillows on her bed (whatever those are)

So, I focused my attention elsewhere, well, ANYWHERE but the rainbow comforter woman.

To pass the time, I looked at the bottles sitting behind the bar and reversed their names (in my head, though my lips *might* have been silently moving).

If you’re a little bored at a bar, you may find yourself amused by this stupid little game.

Reversing the name can potentially change the contents of a bottle.

Example:

Chopin [vodka] turns into Nipohc. Hmm, sounds Japanese. A label of sake?

Red Stag reverses into the very satisfying Gats Der. I don’t know what that is, but I would like a cup.

Unfortunately, not all liquors survive the reversal in a happy state.

I don’t know that Yabmob Nigyrd is going to be on a shelf any time soon.

(Previously)

nature, the kids

Sunset Clouds And A Partial Rainbow

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Last Thursday was a strange mix of rain and sunshine.

I was outside playing with the kids in the front yard during the sunset, and it started raining. The clouds were big and colorful. I was hoping a rainbow would materialize (the kids had only seen one real life rainbow), and for about ten minutes we had one.

Yes, I took pictures!

CLOUDS

RAINBOW

nature

Peace Garden And The Butterfly

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My mom is a retired art teacher.

She has been interested in gardening ever since I can remember.

For the last ten years, she has really thrown herself into her garden. What was once grass has been claimed by bushes, trees and flowers.

This picture doesn’t do it justice, but here goes anyway:

I think her garden is essentially a living work of art that she is constantly nurturing. Whenever I walk through it, I get a feeling of peace.

I took the kids to Springfield to visit the folks this past weekend. I saw a butterfly flitting about one of the flowers, and got the urge to go take pictures of it.

Here they be! (click on any pic for a larger version)




jung vf fcybgpul?