{"id":1261,"date":"2007-12-27T21:10:00","date_gmt":"2007-12-27T21:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/?p=1261"},"modified":"2013-05-04T01:44:26","modified_gmt":"2013-05-04T01:44:26","slug":"seven-untrue-facts-about-splotchy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/12\/seven-untrue-facts-about-splotchy\/","title":{"rendered":"Seven Untrue Facts About Splotchy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thought I’d break up my labor-intensive, exhausting NOLA posts with a little levity, especially since my next post will be titled “Despair and Hope” (zoiks!).<\/p>\n

Herein please find seven completely untrue facts about me.<\/p>\n

1. I can spit a watermelon seed with enough force that it shatters glass.
2. I coined the phrase “God don’t make no junk” (well, I was part of the phrase’s steering committee, at least).
3. My real name is Ted Lange, and I played Isaac the bartender on TV’s Love Boat.
4. I have faithfully visited a tanning salon for daily one hour treatments since I was fifteen. After getting cancer of the hair in the late 90’s, I now wear a swimcap while tanning.
5. I only take right turns in the northern hemisphere. In the southern hemisphere I only take left turns.
6. My real name is Jessica Lange, the award-winning actress.
7. I’m typing this post while naked and covered in fancy mustard.<\/p>\n

Okay, I tag the following people to provide seven untrue facts about themselves. Think of it as a belated Christmas present you never asked for and don’t want — a fruitcake meme, if you will.<\/p>\n

Here are the lucky victims:
Dr Monkey Von Monkerstein<\/a> – because I won’t rest until he is tagged so much there’s nothing left but a greasy spot on the wall.
Johnny Yen<\/a> – because I want to get to the heart of what really doesn’t make him tick.
SamuraiFrog<\/a> – because I’m wondering what he’s not all about.
Bubs<\/a> – because I personally witnessed him sell my eldest son a variety of malarkey on Christmas Day, and he seemed to have plenty more to share.
FranIAm<\/a> – because I said so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thought I’d break up my labor-intensive, exhausting NOLA posts with a little levity, especially since my next post will be titled “Despair and Hope” (zoiks!). Herein please find seven completely untrue facts about me. 1. I can spit a watermelon seed with enough force that it shatters glass.2. I coined the phrase “God don’t make … Continue reading Seven Untrue Facts About Splotchy<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[79],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meme"],"yoast_head":"\nSeven Untrue Facts About Splotchy - SPLOTCHY<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/12\/seven-untrue-facts-about-splotchy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Seven Untrue Facts About Splotchy - SPLOTCHY\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Thought I’d break up my labor-intensive, exhausting NOLA posts with a little levity, especially since my next post will be titled “Despair and Hope” (zoiks!). 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