{"id":1716,"date":"2007-07-10T20:53:00","date_gmt":"2007-07-10T20:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/?p=1716"},"modified":"2013-05-04T01:50:53","modified_gmt":"2013-05-04T01:50:53","slug":"no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\/","title":{"rendered":"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy"},"content":{"rendered":"

On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs.<\/p>\n

Here they be.<\/p>\n

Hillside<\/span> – Our Landfill Is Closing In ’08!
Brookfield<\/span> – So Much More Than A Group Of Filthy, Smelly Animals
Oak Park<\/span> – Ask Us About Our High Property Taxes
Schaumburg<\/span> – Yes, We Have An Olive Garden
Palatine<\/span> – Like Schaumburg On Steroids
DeKalb<\/span> – Please Don’t Call Us “Duh Cab”
Evanston<\/span> – Home of the Smugly Progressive
Hinsdale<\/span> – No Fat Chicks
Kenilworth<\/span> – We Theoretically Welcome Black People
Naperville<\/span> – Come Join The Sprawl!
Rolling Meadows<\/span> – Neither Rolling Nor Meadows<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs. Here they be. Hillside – Our Landfill Is Closing In ’08!Brookfield – So Much More Than A Group Of Filthy, Smelly AnimalsOak Park – Ask Us About Our High Property TaxesSchaumburg – Yes, We Have An Olive … Continue reading No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[343],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-snarky-suburban-commentary"],"yoast_head":"\nNo Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy - SPLOTCHY<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy - SPLOTCHY\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs. Here they be. Hillside – Our Landfill Is Closing In ’08!Brookfield – So Much More Than A Group Of Filthy, Smelly AnimalsOak Park – Ask Us About Our High Property TaxesSchaumburg – Yes, We Have An Olive … Continue reading No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"SPLOTCHY\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2007-07-10T20:53:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-05-04T01:50:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"\",\"@id\":\"\"},\"headline\":\"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy\",\"datePublished\":\"2007-07-10T20:53:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-05-04T01:50:53+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":116,\"commentCount\":12,\"articleSection\":[\"snarky suburban commentary\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/\",\"name\":\"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy - SPLOTCHY\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2007-07-10T20:53:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-05-04T01:50:53+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/2007\\\/07\\\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/\",\"name\":\"SPLOTCHY\",\"description\":\"jung vf fcybgpul?\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/isplotchy.com\\\/blog\\\/author\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy - SPLOTCHY","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/no-chicago-suburb-is-safe-from-the-rapier-wit-of-splotchy\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy - SPLOTCHY","og_description":"On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs. 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