{"id":1808,"date":"2007-06-05T15:27:00","date_gmt":"2007-06-05T15:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/?p=1808"},"modified":"2013-05-04T01:51:31","modified_gmt":"2013-05-04T01:51:31","slug":"two-buck-schmuck-a-celebration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/06\/two-buck-schmuck-a-celebration\/","title":{"rendered":"Two Buck Schmuck: A Celebration"},"content":{"rendered":"

Wow, all the Two Buck Schmuck columns at my fingertips<\/span>?<\/p>\n

Yes. Yes, they are.<\/p>\n

========================================
MOVIE REVIEWS<\/span>
========================================
January 16th, 2011 – The Social Network<\/a>
I have no idea what happened in this review. I went batshit crazy.<\/p>\n

November 24th, 2009 – Couples Retreat<\/a>
As soon as I recover from how bad this movie was, I’ll think of something amusing to put here.<\/p>\n

November 19th, 2009 – Law Abiding Citizen<\/a>
What did it take me to get me back to the LaGrange? Apparently, a shirtless Gerard Butler.<\/p>\n

June 19th, 2009 – Obsessed<\/a>
Beyonc\u00e9 punches marital difficulties in the throat. <\/p>\n

May 15th, 2009 – Adventureland<\/a>
Contrary to popular belief, it is not a cinematic adaptation of the Atari 2600 game Adventure.<\/p>\n

November 26th, 2008 – Eagle Eye<\/a>
What’s that smell? Oh, it’s this movie.<\/p>\n

October 28th, 2008 – Righteous Kill<\/a>
Finally, a dream of mine comes true. DeNiro and Pacino in a shitty movie together!<\/p>\n

September 24th, 2008 – Get Smart<\/a>
Get Stupid is more like it. AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE?!!<\/p>\n

June 27, 2008 – Iron Man<\/a>
Director Jon Favreau evokes my irrational, bitchy wrath by his mere existence.<\/p>\n

June 16, 2008 – 88 Minutes<\/a>
Al Pacino hits another one out of the park. And by out of the park, I mean a foul ball that kills a stray kitten.<\/p>\n

April 30, 2008 – The Bank Job<\/a>
Not to be confused with The Italian Job or The Bank Dick.<\/p>\n

April 12, 2008 – Juno<\/a>
I didn’t like this movie. Honest to blog!<\/p>\n

March 26, 2008 – National Treasure: Book Of Secrets<\/a>
The Book Of Secrets, As Seen In A Crappy Movie<\/p>\n

February 21, 2008 – The Golden Compass<\/a>
I’m suffocating from all the whimsy!<\/p>\n

January 31, 2008 – The Darjeeling Limited<\/a>
It’s cute, it’s precious, it’s altogether wretched.<\/p>\n

November 21, 2007 – Halloween (2007)<\/a> with addendum<\/a>
Look Helen, there’s a seven foot tall man wearing a mask and covered in blood, holding a big knife and walking down the street. Do you think we should call someone?<\/p>\n

November 13th, 2007 – The Brave One<\/a>
Jodie Foster’s boring as hell and she’s not going to take it anymore.<\/p>\n

October 28th, 2007 – The Bourne Ultimatum<\/a>
Most likely, this is the only review of the latest Bourne movie that starts with a magic wall guarded by a geezer and a star falling from the sky.<\/p>\n

October 18th, 2007 – Death Sentence<\/a>
Watch out, Kevin Bacon is gettin’ MAD!<\/p>\n

October 7th, 2007 – Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix<\/a>
The magic of sitting in an uncomfortable seat for 2+ hours. <\/p>\n

October 4th, 2007 – The Invasion \/ Transformers (partial)<\/a>
A main course of vomiting pod people, followed by a small dessert of CGI robots with attitude.<\/p>\n

September 19th, 2007 – Live Free Or Die Hard<\/a>
Do you think Bruce Willis will save the day? Do we dare to dream?<\/p>\n

September 12th, 2007 – 1408<\/a>
The fear of sharing a hotel room with John Cusack for an hour and a half.<\/p>\n

August 28th, 2007 – Ocean’s Thirteen<\/a>
Some superstitious people view the number 13 with dread, which now makes perfect sense to me.<\/p>\n

July 24th, 2007 – Hostel: Part II<\/a>
Life imitates art, as the Schmuck is violently pelted with cherries.<\/p>\n

July 17th, 2007 – Spider-Man 3<\/a>
The Schmuck dons the sweat-soaked red and blue tights.<\/p>\n

June 27, 2007 – Fracture<\/a>
Wake me up for the scene where Ryan Gosling wears a Starved Rock t-shirt.<\/p>\n

June 18, 2007 – Wild Hogs<\/a>
What’s funnier than Tim Allen riding a motorcycle? Plenty.<\/p>\n

June 13, 2007 – Hot Fuzz<\/a>
The Schmuck is in luck to see a movie that doesn’t suck.<\/p>\n

May 31st, 2007 – Shooter<\/a>
Introductions, declaration of purpose, Mark Wahlberg shooting people in the head.<\/p>\n

========================================
CAREER RETROSPECTIVES<\/span>
========================================<\/p>\n

Al “Bug Eyes” Pacino<\/a><\/p>\n

Joel “Shitty” Schumacher<\/a><\/p>\n

Kevin “Makin'” Bacon<\/a><\/p>\n

========================================
BEFORE HE WAS THE SCHMUCK<\/span>
========================================<\/p>\n

Reviews at Chicago’s Davis Theater<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wow, all the Two Buck Schmuck columns at my fingertips? Yes. Yes, they are. ========================================MOVIE REVIEWS========================================January 16th, 2011 – The Social NetworkI have no idea what happened in this review. I went batshit crazy. November 24th, 2009 – Couples RetreatAs soon as I recover from how bad this movie was, I’ll think of something amusing … Continue reading Two Buck Schmuck: A Celebration<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[69,37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1808","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies","category-two-buck-schmuck"],"yoast_head":"\nTwo Buck Schmuck: A Celebration - SPLOTCHY<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2007\/06\/two-buck-schmuck-a-celebration\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Two Buck Schmuck: A Celebration - SPLOTCHY\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Wow, all the Two Buck Schmuck columns at my fingertips? 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