{"id":4329,"date":"2013-05-27T19:50:34","date_gmt":"2013-05-28T00:50:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/?p=4329"},"modified":"2013-05-27T19:52:44","modified_gmt":"2013-05-28T00:52:44","slug":"dumbass-birds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2013\/05\/dumbass-birds\/","title":{"rendered":"Dumbass Birds"},"content":{"rendered":"

It was only weeks ago — WEEKS AGO — when I was relatively optimistic about the robins nesting on the flood lights<\/a> in back of my house.<\/p>\n

Jesus.<\/p>\n

So, we stopped using the back door to our side porch, as to not disturb the birdies. \u00a0Soon, we saw a piece of robin eggshell on the ground. \u00a0We could see some baby birds popping their heads out of the nest. \u00a0How many? \u00a02. \u00a0No, 3! \u00a0Yeah, 3. \u00a0Wait…. \u00a04. \u00a0There were 4 baby birds.<\/p>\n

Mama and Papa Robin were bringing home the worms to the babies. \u00a0We were in the backyard a lot, doing some major gardening. \u00a0My 10 year old son found a worm when he was digging and dropped it on a part of the yard we weren’t working in, and one of the robins got it, gave it the what-for (i.e. killed it) and brought it home to the babies.<\/p>\n

A few days later, the shitting began. \u00a0It was all over the steps. \u00a0ShesAllWrite<\/a> sprayed the crap off with a hose, but immediately after that, like magic, more bird crap.<\/p>\n

\n
\"Ahhh,<\/dt>\n<\/dl>\n
\n
Ahhh, birdcrap.<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

But that wasn’t the end of the dumbassedness of the birds.<\/p>\n

ShesAllWrite and I were sitting in the back and I looked over. \u00a0“Hey, is that one of the baby birds?” \u00a0A small, young robin was standing on the steps. \u00a0It hopped down into some plants, went through the neighbor’s fence into a bush.<\/p>\n

Jesus. \u00a0Is this supposed to happen? \u00a0The bird tried to fly a bit, but it was clear it wasn’t ready. \u00a0Had it fallen out of the nest?<\/p>\n

It didn’t take long for all the birds to be out of the nest. \u00a0ShesAllWrite saw one of the birds actually hop out of the dumb nest. \u00a0 Another time, she saw Mama Robin hopping around with one of the Baby Robins around the yard. \u00a0Well, that’s good. \u00a0Mama Robin knows where at least one of her kids is.<\/p>\n

At one point we let our dog Ollie out in the backyard to do his business, not realizing one of the baby birds was there. \u00a0He went up to the bird and licked it. \u00a0He’s a sweetheart. \u00a0I have no doubt he would be a great Mama Dog to the robins.<\/p>\n

Still, we thought it was best that Ollie didn’t lick any more birds, so now the backyard is an Ollie-free zone, at least until the birds clear out.<\/p>\n

I saw a baby robin fly half-assed in the alley behind our house, smacking gently into the wall of a garage wall. \u00a0Was it one of ours? \u00a0Or another dumbass bird?<\/p>\n

I was taking out the trash and saw a baby bird standing in our garden a foot from me. \u00a0It just stood there, blinking. \u00a0 Jesus.<\/p>\n

I hope these robins survive. \u00a0Jesus. \u00a0I hope Mama Robin doesn’t lay eggs again in her dumbass nest. \u00a0Jesus.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was only weeks ago — WEEKS AGO — when I was relatively optimistic about the robins nesting on the flood lights in back of my house. Jesus. So, we stopped using the back door to our side porch, as to not disturb the birdies. \u00a0Soon, we saw a piece of robin eggshell on the … Continue reading Dumbass Birds<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[427],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-home"],"yoast_head":"\nDumbass Birds - 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