{"id":727,"date":"2008-09-25T15:37:00","date_gmt":"2008-09-25T15:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/?p=727"},"modified":"2013-05-04T01:39:53","modified_gmt":"2013-05-04T01:39:53","slug":"get-smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2008\/09\/get-smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah\/","title":{"rendered":"Get Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hmm. When was the last time I… Holy crap! I haven’t seen a movie at the LaGrange since late June!<\/p>\n

I need to stoke the schmuck fires! What were my choices?<\/p>\n

Swing Vote<\/a> – This is the one where Kevin Costner is a porn star with an enormous penis, right?
Step Brothers<\/a> – If its “funny” trailer fills me with sadness, I can’t imagine what an entire movie’s worth of this hijinx would do to me.
The Mummy: Tomb of Dragon Emperor<\/a> – Nah, I am not feeling it.<\/p>\n

Get Smart<\/a> — Okay!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As I was making my way to the theater, I realized I was a little tired. That’s not a good state to be in to see a cheap movie. One must be fully alert, ready to navigate the shitty narratives of a second-run cinema.<\/p>\n

I was welcomed back to the LaGrange into the largest and curviest of theaters, number one. As I sat there in the dim houselights, squinting at the latest Chicago Reader, I realized I was the only one there. A few minutes later I turned my head to see an employee close the theater door. For some unknown reason, I flashed them an “okay” sign.<\/p>\n

I got a few trailers as a treat before the movie. One was for the Rainn Wilson vehicle The Rocker<\/a>, which looked improbably horrible, and loaded with cheap physical gags that are supposed to be funny but never are. Look, he slipped! Look, he slipped again!<\/p>\n

I also got the trailer for the newish X-Files movie<\/a>, which if the trailer is any indication, consists solely of comedian Billy Connolly talking in an agitated, high-pitched voice and compulsively pawing at a snowy, frozen-over lake. GOOD TIMES!<\/p>\n

Anyways, as I’m watching the trailers, a few more people straggle in, disrupting my private moviewatching experience. It’s not like I was picking my toes or was stripped down to my underwear, but I *had* gotten a little comfortable. Two girls sat down in the same row as me, just across the aisle.<\/p>\n

Get Smart begins, and the girls immediately start chuckling. Now I realize I am really tired, and probably more susceptible to being annoyed by small things. Still, if there’s the barest hint of a joke, the girls start laughing. While these girls might be wonderful to have in a test market audience, it only took a few more “jokes” and “gags” for your friendly asshole curmudgeon to stand and move several rows forward.<\/p>\n

There, that’s better. Now I can enjoy this unfunny comedy untroubled by the laughter of happy people.<\/p>\n

Phew, I know I was tired and not in top moviewatching form, but this movie was stinky. I had watched the Get Smart TV show in reruns, and didn’t have any memories of it. Could it be that this movie was a hacky, unfunny remake of a show that itself was hacky and unfunny? The answer is “Probably yes!”<\/p>\n

Anne Hathaway was cute, Alan Arkin was tolerable as the chief, and… that’s all I can say about it. I can’t give it anymore praise. There was an actor who was the equivalent of Richard Kiel’s Jaws character from the James Bond films (they even used him in a scene that was a ripoff of the airplane jump opener from Moonraker), there was Terence Stamp wasted, there was blah blah blah. BLAH.<\/p>\n

As each gag and joke limped into view, I thought to myself, I should just walk out and go home. But I stuck it out, because I am a professional, even for shitty comedies.<\/p>\n

Oh, shitty comedies. Why do you fill me with such despair?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hmm. When was the last time I… Holy crap! I haven’t seen a movie at the LaGrange since late June! I need to stoke the schmuck fires! What were my choices? Swing Vote – This is the one where Kevin Costner is a porn star with an enormous penis, right?Step Brothers – If its “funny” … Continue reading Get Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-727","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-two-buck-schmuck"],"yoast_head":"\nGet Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah - SPLOTCHY<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/isplotchy.com\/blog\/2008\/09\/get-smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Get Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah - SPLOTCHY\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hmm. 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