You honestly don't need me to tell you this was a stinker, do you? You do?! Alright, fine, I'll tell you, you relentless evil person.

Road Trip is a sub-par teenage sex comedy with a heart, kinda like that movie where Kevin Spacey is a middle-aged guy who has sex with an apple pie, or something to that effect.

Tom Green is in this film, and according to other reviewers, he's apparently the best thing about the film, but I found him purdy stupid, and not at all funny. I think his claim-to-fame is that he's some sort of MTV dweeb; perhaps he's the Pauly Shore of the 21st Century?

The film sputters forward following a New York college student (Breckin Meyer) as he drives across the country to retrieve a videotape mistakenly sent to his girlfriend in Texas, a tape which shows him having sex with another woman. This Meyer guy looks like Politically Incorrect's Bill Maher's younger brother, though not that much younger (he and his buddies look like they're pushing thirty-five).

Fred Ward is wasted as the token geek's policeman father, but then again Mr. Ward has been in quite a few crappy movies, so it's not like his role in this was a crime against humanity or anything.

There weren't very many laughs in this movie, the biggest one probably being an old guy knocking a porcelain figurine over with his erect penis. I think this might have been a homage to Buster Keaton's Sherlock Jr..

Even though this movie blew pretty hard, it had so many shots of driving across the country that I liked it somewhat just because it was a road movie. What is it about road movies?

Perhaps I should give that Emilio Estevez directed-by/written-by/starring-in road film Wisdom another chance. If Mr. Estevez would be kind enough to send a copy of the film and a couple hundred bucks ($250 oughta do it), I'll happily watch all I can stomach. Hurry, this offer ends soon....

See you at the movies. Save me the unstained seat.